Well friends - it's officially christmas in amsterdam.
And it's the first time I have not been with my parents on christmas. Not only am I currently not with my parents...I am not with anyone.
You see about two days ago I had come back from my day earlier than my friend whose house I'm staying at. I had to pee sooo badly that somewhere between coming in and locking the door and getting to the room I lost the key that had been given to me. It is illogical that I should have lost it.
My plan tonight was to go to st. niklaas church because this is what I did with my parents last year and the music was amazing. I got ready to go and then went to the door and realized...I didn't have a key to even get out! I am literally trapped inside this apartment. That was a real let down because I really wanted to go.
I figured it would be a good time to catch up on some work because I don't want to have to do it when I'm home in winnipeg. So I did that for a while and then decided that I'd maybe try baking the brownie mix that I had purchased two days ago.
I mixed it up no problem and went to put it in the oven and realized that didn't work. I figured well...it's an interesting microwave I'll try that.
Nope...burned completely.
And it smells awful
And I'm still trapped inside. I hope tomorrow is better!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
my church dilemma of the day
So I have started attending the local lutheran church on sundays. I usually try to go twice a month. So I went this morning because I was a bum last week and was just to lazy to go. Why this church?...because it's not catholic and is about a 7 minute walk. It's also where I sing in the choir.
Anyways...I get there and I see at there are microphones set up at the front. Ok it seems there will be a choir..sweet I love choir music.
So the service starts and up tot he front come some kids wearing santa hats (pagans!) and then some adults come. The choir director then takes the mike and queues the music and some over produced prerecorded crap starts playing. It is clear that trumpets in that song where not in fact trumpets, but the trumpet function on someones keyboard. Then she started singing some call and response style thing with the kids singing backup. Which is fine - the kids sang fine, but she was just working it wayyy to hard. I looked around and could see others there sniggering as well.
Meanwhile as this is going on - parents...all over the place. Filming and going up for pictures.
On my list of big annoyances...taking pictures in operating churches...just don't do it. It is interfering with me coming to my place or worship. But I can't be that much of an asshole because everyone should be welcome in the church and God has these people here to sing for him (allegedly). But clearly not everyone else realized that because then we all applaud after they are done singing. I will never applaud during a church service. And I don't care if I'm "clapping for Jesus" - I'm not doing it.
It was clear that this was an outsider choir because I found the visitors were so disrespectful, and just didn't respect the sanctity of our service. Not only that - a mother of one of the kids gets up during the service and is on her cell phone texting at the back. But again, I should be able to focus on what is being said...but I couldn't!
Then the choir went up for a second time and sang perhaps the worst mashup of angels we have heard on high and some other christmas song I have ever heard. The fact that the choir was miked did nothing to help them. It was evident that they could not have heard each other. And I'm sorry kids, but your sing screaming was not comfortable to listen to. The prerecorded arrangement also had a nice little snare drum section to spice up this classic. They took what was ordinarily a beautiful song and one of my favourites to sing and just destroyed it.
The choir was finished after this and as they existed half of them left and were super disruptive. Then they had to take down all the microphones and everyone in the sanctuary sat in silence for 5 minutes and just watched this happen. I could not believe that was what was happening...really people!!!
And then we get to the highlight - the infant baptism....super!
But it wasn't just an infant baptism. They had that...and a blessing for parents who decided not to baptize their child.
The two side by side seemed like such mixed messages. And it could have easily been interpreted in different ways. Like the parents care more about their kid because they are letting the kid decide when they are older, which basically spits in the face of the lutheran church who prefers to baptize their children. I just don't understand how they can be ok with doing that. Like if you aren't behind infant baptism (which I'm not) I feel like it would still be awkward not participating in something. I'd be worried that some parents would think that I either love my kid less because I don't want them to be baptized and don't want them to be christian and that I'm judging them because they are doing it.
Heavy stuff.
Anyways I must say it was difficult sticking around. I just had to pray and be like God let me please try to enjoy what you have put before me today. I don't that everyone enjoys different things. Hopefully I'll get something from the message.
But I do feel pretty calm and good about going - so I'm glad I stuck it out...I guess.
Anyways...I get there and I see at there are microphones set up at the front. Ok it seems there will be a choir..sweet I love choir music.
So the service starts and up tot he front come some kids wearing santa hats (pagans!) and then some adults come. The choir director then takes the mike and queues the music and some over produced prerecorded crap starts playing. It is clear that trumpets in that song where not in fact trumpets, but the trumpet function on someones keyboard. Then she started singing some call and response style thing with the kids singing backup. Which is fine - the kids sang fine, but she was just working it wayyy to hard. I looked around and could see others there sniggering as well.
Meanwhile as this is going on - parents...all over the place. Filming and going up for pictures.
On my list of big annoyances...taking pictures in operating churches...just don't do it. It is interfering with me coming to my place or worship. But I can't be that much of an asshole because everyone should be welcome in the church and God has these people here to sing for him (allegedly). But clearly not everyone else realized that because then we all applaud after they are done singing. I will never applaud during a church service. And I don't care if I'm "clapping for Jesus" - I'm not doing it.
It was clear that this was an outsider choir because I found the visitors were so disrespectful, and just didn't respect the sanctity of our service. Not only that - a mother of one of the kids gets up during the service and is on her cell phone texting at the back. But again, I should be able to focus on what is being said...but I couldn't!
Then the choir went up for a second time and sang perhaps the worst mashup of angels we have heard on high and some other christmas song I have ever heard. The fact that the choir was miked did nothing to help them. It was evident that they could not have heard each other. And I'm sorry kids, but your sing screaming was not comfortable to listen to. The prerecorded arrangement also had a nice little snare drum section to spice up this classic. They took what was ordinarily a beautiful song and one of my favourites to sing and just destroyed it.
The choir was finished after this and as they existed half of them left and were super disruptive. Then they had to take down all the microphones and everyone in the sanctuary sat in silence for 5 minutes and just watched this happen. I could not believe that was what was happening...really people!!!
And then we get to the highlight - the infant baptism....super!
But it wasn't just an infant baptism. They had that...and a blessing for parents who decided not to baptize their child.
The two side by side seemed like such mixed messages. And it could have easily been interpreted in different ways. Like the parents care more about their kid because they are letting the kid decide when they are older, which basically spits in the face of the lutheran church who prefers to baptize their children. I just don't understand how they can be ok with doing that. Like if you aren't behind infant baptism (which I'm not) I feel like it would still be awkward not participating in something. I'd be worried that some parents would think that I either love my kid less because I don't want them to be baptized and don't want them to be christian and that I'm judging them because they are doing it.
Heavy stuff.
Anyways I must say it was difficult sticking around. I just had to pray and be like God let me please try to enjoy what you have put before me today. I don't that everyone enjoys different things. Hopefully I'll get something from the message.
But I do feel pretty calm and good about going - so I'm glad I stuck it out...I guess.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Being alone does not mean I'm lonely
I am sure that I have mentioned my enjoyment of doing things alone before...and I want to talk about it again, because I enjoy being a broken record without new ideas....ha ha ha, but seriously.
I am literally my favourite person to hang out with. I love the freedom of doing whatever I want to do.
I also love the freedom of being able to meet new people. I think being alone has perhaps made me a very self-confident person. Being alone in Germany and having to make my own friends has certainly encouraged me to become braver in this aspect.
I remember the first time I went to see a movie by myself and being totally weirded out about it, but now I would not hesitate to do this - however there are rarely movies I actually want to see in theatres (they need to be worth my money cinematically or else I'll just wait).
Nowadays I have no qualms about engaging in activities by myself. One thing I don't like though is that I am still reliant on my iPod to keep me occupied. This isn't a horrible thing, but I should be able to enjoy things from my environment - but I love that I have the excuse of going on a two hour walk and being able to listen to my music the whole time (and loudly!).
I will tell people at work about how I went out on the weekend to the Krone (the local bar) and saw a band and an old man asked me if I would be interested in becoming the mother of his children (true story) - and they asked who I was with...no one. I love going with now one. I enjoy these conversations that occur spontaneously - even if I don't ever learn someones name I still enjoy the time with them.
I do worry though that I may at some point become to anti-social. There are already awkward times when I know my friends are not doing anything and I'm doing something they would enjoy and then to explain that I'd rather go alone.
I really do prefer to eat alone, because I find eating in a one on one basis a little awkward because the eating gets in the way of talking and the talking gets in the way of eating and enjoying my food. At best I love to bring a book, or sometimes just stare at the passers by. Drinks however is no problem. I'm always down for a drink - although I have been known to go drinking beer solo in summer as well.
I wish I that I enjoyed people more but I just like myself the best. -
Only child syndrome I guess.
I am literally my favourite person to hang out with. I love the freedom of doing whatever I want to do.
I also love the freedom of being able to meet new people. I think being alone has perhaps made me a very self-confident person. Being alone in Germany and having to make my own friends has certainly encouraged me to become braver in this aspect.
I remember the first time I went to see a movie by myself and being totally weirded out about it, but now I would not hesitate to do this - however there are rarely movies I actually want to see in theatres (they need to be worth my money cinematically or else I'll just wait).
Nowadays I have no qualms about engaging in activities by myself. One thing I don't like though is that I am still reliant on my iPod to keep me occupied. This isn't a horrible thing, but I should be able to enjoy things from my environment - but I love that I have the excuse of going on a two hour walk and being able to listen to my music the whole time (and loudly!).
I will tell people at work about how I went out on the weekend to the Krone (the local bar) and saw a band and an old man asked me if I would be interested in becoming the mother of his children (true story) - and they asked who I was with...no one. I love going with now one. I enjoy these conversations that occur spontaneously - even if I don't ever learn someones name I still enjoy the time with them.
I do worry though that I may at some point become to anti-social. There are already awkward times when I know my friends are not doing anything and I'm doing something they would enjoy and then to explain that I'd rather go alone.
I really do prefer to eat alone, because I find eating in a one on one basis a little awkward because the eating gets in the way of talking and the talking gets in the way of eating and enjoying my food. At best I love to bring a book, or sometimes just stare at the passers by. Drinks however is no problem. I'm always down for a drink - although I have been known to go drinking beer solo in summer as well.
I wish I that I enjoyed people more but I just like myself the best. -
Only child syndrome I guess.
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| I found this on tumblr - and it's perfect! (although I'm not sure if I'm scared of someone running away) |
cake for one
Today was a glorious sunday.
And on sundays...I like to eat cake.
I think this comes into one of my weird ritual things. My weekends have become frighteningly ritualized. Fridays - nap, Saturday - shopping in the morning, sundays - eat cake at cafe chaos.
Today was just wonderful. I told a friend a few weeks ago about how much I enjoyed doing this and she suggested Maulwurf Kuchen (Mole Cake)...which is chocolate cake with bananas and cream in the middle.
So I got to my seat, and ordered just this with a cappucino.
Then it arrived and looked amazing...So amazing that I had to instagram it naturally.
And on sundays...I like to eat cake.
I think this comes into one of my weird ritual things. My weekends have become frighteningly ritualized. Fridays - nap, Saturday - shopping in the morning, sundays - eat cake at cafe chaos.
Today was just wonderful. I told a friend a few weeks ago about how much I enjoyed doing this and she suggested Maulwurf Kuchen (Mole Cake)...which is chocolate cake with bananas and cream in the middle.
So I got to my seat, and ordered just this with a cappucino.
Then it arrived and looked amazing...So amazing that I had to instagram it naturally.
There was also an older-ish lady sitting at the end of the table (late 40s/early 50s) , and when her friend went to the washroom she made a comment about my cake and how amazing it looked.
It did look amazing.
She also naturally noticed my accent and asked where I was from. We got to talking as per usual with me, and we ended up exchanging numbers, because she likes cake and coffee too.
Then later I chatted it up with the server, and it is clear that he has started to recognize me. Obviously because I also go alone and read for a long time and order cake and coffee.
I love my rituals!
To make a magical experience even better - everyone in my section ended up leaving and I was in peace and quiet...
and then the avett brothers came on!
It was a beautiful snowy day.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
outer space
Space is the craziest thing ever.
Like think about how insanely and intricate our entire world is - like with ecosystems, and even social systems, and the interconnectivity of physics and chemistry...and whatever.
Now think about that for eternity, which is exactly what space is.
I have been watching some documentaries on space lately and my mind is being blown literally every 5 minutes, with how unique and different each part of the solar system is. From different moons to the different atmospheres.
Even the massicve size is just completely incomprehensible. It's nearly impossible to explain how fortunate we are to be here, and how we are literally in the perfect place. But at the same time, there are so many ways that we could die. Like the sun could just somehow over take us, or an asteroid crashes into us (if this ever happens I'd rather not be warned), or there are a bunch of other things that could happen to us, just from space.
I'm definitely feeling the we are just a little planet in the middle of now where right now!
Like think about how insanely and intricate our entire world is - like with ecosystems, and even social systems, and the interconnectivity of physics and chemistry...and whatever.
Now think about that for eternity, which is exactly what space is.
I have been watching some documentaries on space lately and my mind is being blown literally every 5 minutes, with how unique and different each part of the solar system is. From different moons to the different atmospheres.
Even the massicve size is just completely incomprehensible. It's nearly impossible to explain how fortunate we are to be here, and how we are literally in the perfect place. But at the same time, there are so many ways that we could die. Like the sun could just somehow over take us, or an asteroid crashes into us (if this ever happens I'd rather not be warned), or there are a bunch of other things that could happen to us, just from space.
I'm definitely feeling the we are just a little planet in the middle of now where right now!
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