three cheers (again) for free internet at toronto airport

So I guess this is the last blog post for a while from Canada. I figured that I have some time to sit and reflect (which I'm not really going to do), but I do have time at the airport so I guess I should write.

Being at home was kind of need, but definitely an eye-opener as to what happens when you leave your home. You always meet people that are like "yeah I'm from 'such and such a place'" and you think cool that they are here now, but I don't think I have ever been able to relate to the difficulty that they may have experienced. I have never really gotten super emotional about leaving...anxious and nauseated yes, but I have never cried except the first few little seconds leaving my mom in the driveway whenever my dad would drive me away for school...then flying was no problem.

But this time at the airport, I just let the tears flow. I didn't even care who saw. Others would have been embarrassed, but I didn't care. Wow, as I wrote this an announcement just came on announcing a flight to winnipeg. Ouch....

I'm happy to be going though. As much as I'm trying to convey that it is going to suck leaving home because it really will never be the same, I am so excited to live in Germany.  Even waiting I am starting to hear people talk in German and that is getting me super jazzed to relearn. There is something so awesome about being able to communicate in another language.

I don't really think I have anything else much to say...so I'll see you on the other side of the ocean.

Hopefully you all can use me as an excuse to come visit!

some pockets have holes...really

Last night I had to go pick up my father from the airport and on the way home I don't remember what led to this, but he asked me what the name of my blog was. And so I replied "some pockets have holes"...but as I said it, it just sounded so stupid. I mean really...all pockets have holes, or they wouldn't be pockets right. Like I literally could not have come up with a worse name for a blog.

To be honest though, it came from first wanting to blog, and I started on livejournal and I was like I'm going to make fun of emo kids and have the stupidest name I can just like them. And I still think it's stupid. Should I change it though??

Also, yesterday at the airport I defiantly started crying when I saw my dad coming down the stairs. Then when I hugged him all I could say was "you have been gone for 2 days"...

How am I going to survive moving away!!

I cry all the time...!!!

consequences of seperation

So this blog isn't meant to call anyone out in some weird passive aggressive online way...because I know two of my friends to regularly mean this. I've already talked with them...but I just want to tell people (and remember for myself) that moving away is starting to show the disadvantages.

It's great having friends, really it is...but this weekend when I had some people over I was shown how few I actually have left in the city. It's truly difficult coming back to winnipeg because you want to hop right into things like nothings happened, but if you aren't in constant comunicado with some people it seems that they forget you, but I'm not ready to be forgotten. I think that I have a way different feeling that a lot of other people do about me leaving. I think that there are to many people that have forgotten. So I sent out invitations about three weeks ago via facebook private message because I wanted people to actually have time to come and see me. It wasn't supposed to be anything formal, but I wanted people to be able to come and go as they pleased. I wanted to do something like this because it is so difficult to see everyone while I am home, and in this kind of a setting I was able to see everybody and entertain them all at once. The limitations of time have been really affecting me more than they have any other time I've been at home for such a short period. I just really have to make an effort. I hate having to make this effort though.

There are people that I really want to see because I value their friendship, but it's not at all important to others and it makes me sad. I do feel like high-school D all over again, and I guess it seems that this will be something I continue to struggle with. I don't think people realize how much I value them, but I don't know if what I am supposed to do with that. Is it time to let things go, considering I am moving away indefinitely. I just think it's sad that other people see the distance as such a barrier (that's the only justification I have in my head). Every year until now I've been home for four months during the summer and they couldn't make an effort and it does really make me sad. Maybe I have expected to much...But I was just really struck when someone said to me last night ' wow, I thought there'd be more young people here'. So did I!

Perhaps I should have sent follow up messages to everyone so that they didn't forget. Certainly some of my friends are forgetful.

I'm now in the second half of my 'vacation' and I really don't think that people realize that I'm literally only here for another two weeks and after that I don't know when I'll see them again. I would think that would light a fire under some people, but we will see...

eating well

Being here back home for a little bit longer I have started to get used to everything again...except grocery shopping...

first off, the size of the stores are overwhelming

I actually want to go through the grocery store with a camera because I don't think the Germans would actually believe the size.

One thing that has really gotten on my nerves is how much choice we have. We don't need that much. Why do we need 15 feet of shelf space only for ketchup, or mayonnaise, with about 15 different options with sizes and brands. It's so unneeded. It just adds to the large American mentality.

What really bothers me however are the prices of food. There are things that I see and I nearly throw up because they cost so much. I'm someone who eats a lot of cheese and bread in Europe, and here I see a comparable size of camenbert, for 5 dollars whereas I could get it for a euro in Germany, and fresh mozzerella...same issue!!

It makes me so mad that it costs so much here to eat good food. I also feel like marketing is so much more overwhelming. There are also so many more flavours of products. Just go down the cracker aisle!!

I feel like all these flavours are supposed to make us feel like we are enjoying the 'finer things in life' but it's all the same shit! We are so disillusioned to think that we are getting these great flavours. It's highly likely they were developed in some chemical factory in the mysterious land of...new jersey!! (or something equally glam)

I'm just so excited to go back and get my Laugenbrezel!!

culture shock

I love the German culture and lifestyle, and it's weird knowing that I have lived in Canada 22.5 years and now to come back I find such obvious differences that I really have noticed.

- When I went to VJs there were these guys that were such Scheisskerls, like they were these inner city bums that make Canadians looks bad. I do not miss those people.

- There was so much food in our fridge

- The city is so vast

- there is so much SPACE

- our kitchen is huge

- the streets are so busy! ( I haven't driven in 8.5 months)



Finally a funny story.
Yesterday I was super tired and fell asleep around 7, then when my parents woke me up I was talking to them in German, completely confused and baffled why they didn't understand me because I was trying so hard to explain, and they just didn't get it. Then I realized what had happened and I fell right back asleep.

I'm sure there is going to be more shocks to come.

Canadian Update

Well after taking 4 different modes of transportation I have arrived home...

It's so weird thinking that this is going to be a holiday for me here. I love it at home...It's about 6:30 in the morning and I have been up for about 3 hours. Love time zones....so I'll give you an update on my day yesterday...

So I made it to the airport at around 6:45...the check-in desk didn't open until 7 so that kind of sucked having to wait. But I was there waiting with canadians, and we were all just chatting it up and it was super fun just being with other canadians, and being able to talk with english speakers...it's so hard to communicate my sarcasm in German.

So I was a little nervous because I lost one of my papers that I thought I was going to need to cross the border, wasn't even a big deal. I ended up getting to my gate at about 10 minutes to 8!! Way to early....

So I waited for a while and talked with a 65 year old lady who was going on a tour of canada.

So then we got to the plane and I was right near the back and hoping so much that no one would come and sit in the middle. Sadly that didn't happen. This larger couple came towards the back of the plane, one had the middle seat in the row in front of us and one in our middle row. Luckily the skinny little asian guy who was sitting in the aisle seat quickly gave it up for them to sit together out of the 'kindness of his heart'. I asked him why he was so quick to give it out, and he just held up his hands and demonstrated the wideness of the people , I understood, no one wants to sit beside a fatty on the airplane.

The people on the plane were pretty cool though. One is a potential olympic athlete who is on the canadian 100 m hurdles team. They were coming back from a meet in qatar. The skinny little asian from before worked for a running magazine in toronto. They were both pretty chill. What sucked however is that about halfway through the flight I got a bit of a migraine so that really sucked. I was even contemplating a little puke, but I held back because I didn't want to go to the bathroom, nor puke in front of people. So I held off. I had to keep the windows shut and my sleep mask on.

So I survived, and my flight landed at about 12:30...and I was in a little bit of a panic because my flight to winnipeg was taking off at 1:40...and I still had to go through customs and drop off my luggage.

They were kind enough to to have an express line through customs, which was enough of a panic because they asked me how much I was bringing back...then he explained that it was how much from the past 8 and a half months....YIKES!! I have no idea how much, like literally no idea especially because I didn't even bring everything back with me..

So I got through quickly which did not even pay off a little, because I then had to wait so long for my luggage. I then went (quickly) to the counter to get my next boarding pass...arriving at 1:20, check in had already begun. So I asked her if I was going to have to run, and she said...noo, with the question mark sound at the end and I  knew that it would probably not be a bad idea. I loaded up my stuff and quickly rushed off to security.

At security there luckily wasn't a huge line and I said to the people in front of my "I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude, I don't think I'm better than anyone else, I'm just really late." So they all let me pass. Then the guy made me take off my shoes and my belt. I also forgot to take off all my jewellery so I lit up like a lightbulb. Then I got to do I full body scan, thank goodness I held my mouth and didn't say anything dirty, which I always am tempted to do.

I was panicked at this point so I grabbed my stuff, smashed my computer into my bag and took off running...sans shoes, through the toronto airport. And as luck had it I was at gate D45, which could not have been any further away. I was a mess!!

I did make it in time to my airplane and just crashed in my seat and immediately apologized to my seat mate and then talked for about 5 straight minutes due to the adrenaline rush.

So then we flew for a while and landed in winnipeg, and I teared up right there on the airplane. Then we got off and instead of immediately seeing my dad I went pee. And then I was like, ok time to see him and headed down the stairs and didn't even make it halfway down before crying again. I knew I was going to make a scene. I was just so over tired.

Then we went to go see my oma and opa and uncle and cousin, who talks so much. It was super cute.

Then immediately to VJs for what was the greatest hamburger I have ever eaten. I brought it home and drank it with a wonderful glass of milk. I died a little bit of happiness inside. I could probably use about   700000 yums to describe it. It was soo perfect....

Then I crashed...

Awkward hands

You know what I never really thought about before but would make an interesting study. Why people play with things unknowingly...

I am hugely guilty of this. Like when I watch TV I usually like to have something in my hand. When I worked at impark I would often play with a paper clip or staple while I was on the phone.

I really thought about it last week when my roommate had friends over and she was playing with a wine cork. I do that as well.

Maybe when you're in a conversation it is just extremely difficult to just sit there and stare at someone talking without being totally awkward. Maybe that's why people like to eat together, it gives them something to do with their hands.

I've also had situations where I make a clear effort to wear a ring on a different finger, or a bracelet on the other hand, but I'll get home later and find it on the finger that I find most comfortable. Becky also used to always get on my case for playing with my rings in class, especially because I would drop it and the sound would be so annoying