I just spent the most wonderful vacation at home with my parents. I left on the 20th of december and returned to Germany again on the 5th of January. It was the first time that I was able to celebrate christmas (on the actual day) with my family in many years. I really did end up getting almost everything done that I wanted to thanks to some solid planing...
Some reflections from the trip
It was a total fantasy - I barely did any housework and didn't have to clean up once. I just slept and ate and was literally driven wherever I wanted. I preferred not to drive due to the fact that the roads are an utter nightmare in Winter. I almost saw two car crashes as a result of this - not to mention to one flip I did experience on the QEW highway outside Toronto and many cars in ditches. This lack of having to do anything clearly made me a bit of a diva, and it is hard to give up when I think that here I have to do literally everything for myself. I think that being at home I realized that it was not the real life and that if I did decide to move back home it would not be like that.
Continuing on with this idea of being home isn't a reality, being at home made me miss being in Germany. Perhaps it is because I am still discovering so many things here. I always had to have a list ready in my head as to why I liked it better in Germany, often tailored to my audience. The concept of "Ich fühl mich wohl" is often difficult to translate and communicate into English. But I do feel like in Germany, I am living as the truest of myself. Perhaps this is because I do not have the same kind of support system and this I am at the bare minimum. I also like my friends here and I have grown very comfortable and consider this to be my home. Staying at home, I don't think I would grow up properly because I would still want to rely so much more on my parents, who naturally would do the correct thing in throwing me out of the nest, annoying me in the process.
I felt like a weird hybrid of kid-adult. I was living the same life that I had as a kid. I even went to visit a friend and as we were leaving his place (a grown up thing) we were each getting picked up by our parents, and I remarked to him that I felt like we were 15 again.
I got to see my grandparents in person again for the first time in 2 and a half years. It was really wonderful. They have gone through a lot in this time. Adapting from a downsize from their farm into a house, and now they are really starting to see a lot more road signs telling them "You are old". My grandmother has also been diagnosed with Alzheimers and has began to see many of her freedoms being taken away, which for a woman of her confidence and determination is quite difficult for her. It was so lovely to see them, and also have the chance to reconnect with two cousins at the same time. Grandma also spoke to my mother the day after I was there and said it had just been a delight to have us all together. I really did value my time with my grandparents and especially one cousin whom I had never really connected with. Despite my time at Brock and being in the same area I have always felt quite distant and not connected with my mothers side of the family. At least the first 18 years of my life it could be blamed on proximity. I guess the argument is valid again.
Being home again is the first time that I have been completely alone in 2 and a half weeks. It's nice, but I do miss the company of others and loved ones at little.
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