new years less suck than last year

So I don't know if you all remember complaining about how my new years sucked last year - to be honest all I can currently remember is the title.

This year I was in berlin and it was certainly not like anything I have ever experienced. So we decided like probably a million people to go to the brandenburger tor. We were told by our tour guide earlier today that it would be good to head there for about 8 so that's what we did, and like usual we walked there, and sure enough arrived on time. It was the strangest walk and as expected police were there trying to control the crowd. It was unfortunate because our hotel was located on the wrong side of the Tor. This meant that we had to walk probably an extra half hour around the entire crowd just to walk back to where we wanted to be.

We eventually went downstream to a spot that we thought we be adequate. Then we realized we'd have to wait for 3 hours and fifteen minutes for midnight. My mother who's body has suffered from the miles of walking we have done has suffered a little and she was feeling the strain. After some grumbles from all parties involved it was decided we would attempt to walk down to a place we originally came from to try and gain better vision into where the fireworks would come from. The walk back was certainly interesting and it's a really good thing I can control my anger because there were a few that needed a good shoulder check. It's our fault for going to wrong way. Oh - also I must say...I don't know who the music was but I only really enjoyed one band. I was hoping for to see the scorpians but they never came on.

As we were coming out of the gates we were made aware that there would be no re-entering and they meant business. There were lots of people around that were getting rejected at the gate. We made our way back to one of the main streets on the way to potsdamer platz and it just went crazy.

I should now inform you that on new years day fireworks are in fact legal. This is something that germans clearly took advantage of. On the small street just randomly in one of the squares so many people were setting them off. Then a flare here and there, one of those that just sprays sparkles or one that just bangs. It was a little un-nearving because I was worried about getting hit by something.

That fear was elevated greater once we hit the main street. Not only was I barely able to move, the amount of fireworks being set off was increased ten-fold. There was one point where someone decided it would be a fantastic idea to set of a flare within the crowd. All I could think was how easily this could go astray.

We kept on walking however and along the journey back to the hotel saw so much garbage everywhere, both bottles and exploded fireworks.

It was clear at this point that leaving early was not a poor choice. It was just so chaotic and I was worried about being hit by something. Give me a break it's my first time there.

When we got back to around a block in front of our hotel we encountered this group of people setting off fireworks so we decided to watch. This escalated to everywhere around us on this main road was setting off fireworks. My estimation is that there were 30 different groups within eyesight.

Then at midnight the Tor lights started to go off. We were lucky that we were able to see them from where we were (just barely) because it was laughable that one group had been going on longer than them and ended after as well.

It's also funny how at home they take so many safety precautions and here EVERYONE especially children are getting in on the action. To be honest the first thing I thought about was riots in the middle east where everyone is just running but no one really has any idea what's going on and there's just noise everywhere.

It was also just so strange because for me I think about the destruction and damage that was done in Berlin during the second world war and the fact that 90% of the city was destroyed and they have these fireworks that sound similar to bombs going off all over the city. It is a steady stream of sound and to think during the war it was anything like that was nuts because that's not you enjoying something pretty - that's you fighting for your life.

I wish that I could have actually recorded everything because this entry really doesn't give enough justice to the insanity of silvester.

european adventures (part I)

So I'm posting now so that I can get this update off my shoulders, but I know that it's going to be published in two days. But here are something tidbits from the first part of my trip...

So on the way there I was getting onto the train in Köln with my bitchpack and I guess I seemed a little bit frazzled and I had my seat all picked out and I realize the bitchpack won't fit on the shelf above me so I go a little further down to get more room and as I'm about to lift it I realize one of the straps is stuck in the seat so I pull and pull - in fact I pull so much that I am sweating and have to take off my scarf and jacket because I'm sweating so badly. Eventually after everyone tries I give up and the guy sitting in one of the seats who has been watching this whole thing go down for about 8 minutes hands me a pocket knife so I can cut the strap. Thanks...that would have been great about 8 minutes ago when I asked people if they had a knife!

Amsterdam we went to the Ajax experience. It seems that the europeans love to shove marketing down your throat so that fans can get really excited about it and everyone else can gain the mentality that the product is supreme. It was kind of fun though. We got to go a some virtual drill simulations which actually worked out better than I expected.

We walked through the red light district on christmas day.

It didn't seem very christmassy there though. Like in north america everything seems very over saturated, but here you would not have been able to tell otherwise.

I'm very happy because in Amsterdam my mother noticed how everyone stares at me!! My dad thinks I must look like a european celebrity - clearly that's not true

I climbed the dom cathedral in Köln - the worst part was being in the bell tower when it rung - I was scared more from the anticipation of being scared! We went out for Kölsch after which is the local specialty - I may even go as far as saying it's one of the best beers I've ever had. Then accompanied with dinner I had schweinerhaxen, or pig's knuckle. It was SOO big, and really fatty, and extra tasty!

bitch-pack

So I don't know why or how this bright idea came along but it just is that way. I guess it's from discussions with friends and other things. But anyways, I got a backpack for my time in Germany. It's pretty sweet because it has a daypack that I can take off which has been convenient thrice.

But if I have to wear my backpack to long I get soo sour. Because I don't know what my living situation is going to be like after 3 weeks from now I need to have enough clothes so that they are available once I start work. I also had to keep my bags that I left at school from being to heavy or over packed. My point being, my backpack is so heavy and such a struggle to put on.

So when I travel with my parents my patience level drops below zero, especially because I'm generally pretty smart when it comes to travelling, and my dad seems to have this need to constantly butt heads with me. I guess it's just part of the relationship. My mom just likes to stay out of it. But I just want to bite everyone's head off when I am wearing that backpack. It just puts my in the worst mood ever. I feel bad for people that need to be around me because I'm just such an awful person. It's even worse because I realize how terrible I am and I don't want to be that mean, but it just comes out so naturally.

I think that judging by how much I do try to repress my anger, I am going to explode one day!

weird update

so in regards to the post that just happened.

One part of the story I forgot to mention is that I left the interview with the other girl that was looking for a house as well and we walked nearly the whole way downtown and then she caught the tram.

She spoke german to me the whole time - and talk she did. It makes me fear how poor my german speaking abilities are. I sound so primitive.

But that didn't stop her and I liked her a lot - she was very nice!

And after she left I was thinking man, I should have got her number so I would have another contact once I got here but I thought of it to late.

No

fate brought us back together, because she is totally sitting in starbucks right now!!!

So I got her name and he shall become facebook friends.

homeless?

So I'm going to put off again telling you what I'm actually doing in Germany. Well a little bit

So last week I complained about the fact that I got invited to someone's place to check it out and right before I got there he told me it was rented - that is after I had already travelled an hour....

So I found another place and I was so excited because they sent me a message saying that we could meet today. So I arrived at the house, about 3 minutes early which according to my cool schedule that's alright with me. So I get in and they are all just laughing away and they all introduce themselves, and the conversation is all in german and they progress to english so I can understand. There's this other girl that I don't really get introduced to and it takes me about half this 'interview' to realize that this is a group interview and she is looking at living at the house as well...damn.

I hate being in competitions against other people because I'm very concerned with my first impression because it seems to be a bit of a hit or miss situation. Some people like me and others are not so excited. I'm ok if people don't like me, but I am aware that I'm a little bit strange as well.

It's just frustrating trying to find a house right now - luckily I have a place to crash that isn't underneath a bridge. I'm trying out couch surfing...so that should be interesting.

I'm now at starbucks because our hotel doesn't have internet...what kind of nice hotel in the 21st century doesn't have internet...not even with a cabel!

So I need to now find a place to live...and then change my ticket...

I just need  to remember that it's all worth it!

By the way just got to encounter a fun little situation in which this family came upstairs in the starbucks and clearly couldn't find a place to sit and naturally I'm going to sit anywhere there's a place free and so I'm at a table for three...I don't care. There is just enough room for my computer and maybe another mug, they were not impressed that I didn't move.

Just let me write my blog!

what up with that

So I'm going to share another of my 3 million pet peeves....

why is it soo exciting when something has the same name as someone you know. Like there is something called Schmidt lebkuchen in Germany - no big deal. Do I want to take a picture...no not really.

Like there are at least a million people in the world called danielle, if I see something with my name on it I'm not going to go crazy. Maybe if my name was a little bit more rare I might..

I think it's just something that everyone needs to chill out about.

It's not some weird lucky coincidence.

I thought I was a nice person.... part 2

So in the previous post I discussed how things didn't work out for me on monday.

Yesterday I write my final exam and finally I got a response from the tens of broken german emails I've been sending in regards to finding a place to live. He says to text him and it is concluded that I want to take the place because it's within my price range and a reasonable location. It is decided I will come wednesday to visit the place and get things arranged I guess. I also said clearly, or so I thought, in my texts that as long as it was furnished I would take the room.

So yesterday after writing just a horrible exam I made the hour long train ride up to Darmstadt to check out this place. As I make my final transfer and am sitting on the train about ten minutes from my destination I get a text from this guy saying the room has just been rented.

Are you serious?!

I wasted soo much time and energy to come here, said that I wanted the room and you give me no warning.

I totally understand things from his point of view though. He doesn't care about other people, he just wants to get his room rented. Realistically he doesn't owe me anything.

Of course I immediatly email my parents and I got this response from my dad

" So sorry to hear that.

Unfortunate that he is without honour."

What a fantastic response - and it's true.

But it just seems like that's the German way of life, judging from these last two interactions.

And I've learned that people just don't want me to ever celebrate being finished exams.

I thought I was a nice person....

You know how they say shitty things happen to good people, or that God sets out challenges that we are able to face.

I guess I must be a good person - and that God must really love me (obvs...)

Twice in one week this time. So as you may or may not know, I'm travelling for the next three weeks around Germany, Holland and a little bit of Austria with my parents. I am one of those people that has way to many clothes and the fact that I'm going to be living here for the next four months after my trip means that I need a substantial wardrobe because I'm the kind of person that needs a lot of variety in my wardrobe. This also poses a great challenge for packing what I want to leave behind for the next three weeks but that's a whole other story.

So anyways - I have to leave these forsaken clothes behind somewhere and so within the first few weeks of me being here I asked my German roommate if it was possible that I could leave it with her...no problem she says. So there were two times this semester already where she has done a major flake out and just been completely inconsiderate in leaving me behind and not letting me know important information. This was time number three and she moved to another apartment last wednesday because our area is so far from everything and if I was staying here longer I would consider doing the same thing. So I had talked to her on the day she was moving out about when would be a good time. She said she was leaving on monday evening or possibly tuesday so I said I'd text her to ask when a good time would be to come over. ..

So monday rolls around and I have an exam at 10:30 that morning so that's my one concern. Afterwards I send her a text to find out when I should come. Meanwhile on sunday I (sylvia) packed up all my stuff so that I could go when I needed to. Not everything was packed, but nearly everything. So then monday at 3:00 pm I get a text saying that she's leaving in an hour. That is not nearly enough time or warning. It just makes me mad because she knew that I needed to rely on her for this, and I felt like I was getting screwed because there was no way I could make it in time.

Luckily we know more people that live in Mannheim - so I made an emergency call, and my bag has a safe home for the christmas break!

I'll let you go get a beer so you can join along in my drinking away my pain...and the continuation of the story will happen next

exams

As per usual, I am writing exams until one of the very last days. Do I ever get a break....twice I have - but not this year.

During exams facebook always drives me crazy because there are an added amount of useless, uninspired, non-entertaining updates. And 87.35% of them have something to do with either procrastinating, hating exams, or giving us a status update on how many days until their next exam or how many exams they have completed.

No one gives a shit about your exams. Like obviously you don't like exams....no person does. Not once have I ever been like, 'yeah, this exam is awesome - I had so much writing it'. No I'd rather stay at home and watch an entire season of top chef instead of studying. That's not weird - that's normal.

But every person in university seems to think that they are the first person not to study for an exam. Dumb people - we all avoid studying like the plague...except Germans, they study a lot!

characters

Are there some people in your life that you feel with everything that they do, it just seems so perfect - like they something and you're like 'that is so you!'

The greatest thing about people is when they do something so unexpected but it so perfectly suits their character.

I have one of my old teachers child as a facebook friend and often she updates her status with funny anecdotes from her parents (my mother works with hers as well, so I know the family just a little bit) and I find them just the funniest thing in the world.

It's so great when someone is able to make that kind of impact on your life and you just get so naturally attracted to them (in a sort of magnetic way) because you want to hear everything they say because their brain nuggets are golden!

Do you have any of these people in your life?

I think that even when you get to know your friends really well this is interesting.

Here's a story. My friend/roommate sylvia loves disney. While we've been in europe she and becky went to paris and of course went to disneyland in paris, which I'm sure for them was a dream come true. Now her obsession (and along with becky's less, but still wonderful disney-desire) they shelled out the euros for the fine french cuisine served at the princess restaurant, or whatever it's called. During this dinner the princesses walk around with their princess so that you can 'meet them' and have pictures taken - all part of the experience. Sylvia's addiction and her character went so far as to have a picture with the prince.

This is a picture that I actually edited and gave to her in a frame for christmas, which she loved by the way. But the fact that she actually went as far as to have this picture taken is just so typical to her character. But it's just surprising because you don't expect to see many pictures of this. Actually according the the actor playing the prince - it's not that rare. I just love when people don't hold back from conventional norms and live out their true instincts!

Leaving

It's my last week here....I'm scared.

I don't know why. I guess maybe the fact that I'm starting a new job in a month and I have still not yet found a place to live...oh yeah, and I'm going to be travelling around europe the three weeks prior to this. You all will get the lucky experience of me rubbing in the fun experiences of my parents visit.

But after that....I'm alone. For the first time in my life I'm literally going to have no one. I'm going to have to do absolutely everything myself. In another language. I'm excited for the fact that I'm going to be able to improve my language skills, and especially being able to work here. This is an opportunity that very few people get. It's really scary to think about. I know I can do it though.

I really like myself and I'm very proud of the independence that I have and my ability not to worry about things. I think that my drive will be important during my internship because I'm going to be getting paid dirt. One of the reasons that I am having such a difficult time finding a place to live is because finding a place within my price range is turning out very difficult. The biggest thing is that people want someone who is going to be living there longer than 4 months. I get that, it saves them trouble down the road.

I also realize that with insurance costs that I will need to live on less than 100 euros a month. Let's just say that's a lot of pasta. Cheapness may be the best diet I've ever had.

I've been inspired however by kate lanphear who is the style director at elle magazine. I read somewhere that when she was young she lived out her dream by interning in london - living the whole time in a hostel and eating bread with peanut butter everyday. If that's what it takes I'm willing to do it. My goal here is to make contacts and better prepare myself for jobs further down the road. Being multilingual will open a lot of other doors for me as well (or so I hope) and I know that I want to come back here one day.

I think the saddest thing is that my first day of work is on my birthday. My first birthday that I will ever be by myself. I'm going to have the best attitude though. I'm going to really appreciate the opportunity that I have, and the fact that I will have just spent an amazing three weeks with my mother and father.

real food

I think that I'm going to have really week teeth at some point in my life.

Living on my own as most adults, means I have to cook for myself...that is, if I want to survive, which yes, I do.

For the last four years I haven't had a strong desire to engage in any extensive culinary adventures. I honestly don't mind cooking. I have pretty diverse tastes so that makes picking food to cook pretty easy because I have a wider range of things that I enjoy. This year a lot of my diet consisted of soup and sandwiches. We don't have an oven and I never realized how much I love ovens. I miss oven fries and chicken fingers (even though I know how unhealthy they are). I just have no strong desire to cook fabulous meals because I really hate cleaning up. Especially when there is no dishwasher either. My biggest enemy is that I just don't want to make the mess. I haven't become sick of these foods yet so I'm just going to ride this out as long as I can!

But the fact that I am always eating like really soft foods, I'm going to lose all my jaw strength. I'm worried that I'll just not be able to eat steak. The past four years I rarely ever cook things that I have to cut on my own, and I have pretty uninspired cutting skills - like when I have to cut something on my plate. It's spoon city for me.

I hope my teeth don't fall out because I just am not challenging them enough.

Hmm, maybe time for a bowl of yogurt? It's to bad all the milk products are just so fantastic here!

first world problems?

So todays post inspiration comes from a very odd place...

This morning at around 5:17 my body decided that despite the fact I stayed up until 1:00 am watching old episodes of top chef just deserts it was a fine time to be awake. The worst thing for me is in the middle of the night when you have to pee and you just don't want to get out of bed. I used my better judgement and got up and 'did my thing' and got back to my room only to realize that there was no chance of me falling back asleep for a while.

So like a normal person I watched a little bit more top chef and realized that sleep certainly wasn't going to come. I knew it was going to come later which was going to take away from my study time so I reviewed through my notes a little bit. It was during this study period that I heard this screaming and I was like 'no d, it's like 5 in the morning, you are tired and hearing things.' I even went as far as to look outside, but I saw nothing.

This reminds me of a study that was conducted a number of years ago in which researches played a recording of a crying baby in an apartment building and no one came to check to see if there was anything wrong. I thought that I was going to be that person who falls into the 'heartless' category.

I was also freaking out a little bit because recently in our apartment someone came and knocked on the door to ask if we had seen anything suspicious happening because someone had kicked down the front door of her apartment and her room was unlocked - so they went in and stole her computer and other electronics and her keys.

My first thought was....this girl is getting raped.

When you watch scary movies, or at least when I do, I always get mad at the main character because they always have to go investigate, which always leads to something terrible and I always think, why would anyone go investigate. I didn't want to join that demographic as well and decided that it must have been me just imagining in my somewhat sleep.

So I went with my instincts and chose not to investigate because there were no other suspicious noises. Well that's not totally true...I did hear some knocking sounds, but I said - nope not my problem.

So I killed a little bit more time and eventually fell asleep for about an hour and ten minutes. I would have slept longer, except for the fact that the maid, whom we haven't seen in weeks decided to come and clean at 7:40. Now I don't mind the fact that the maid cleans....really it's better than me doing it - but the problem is, our maid doesn't clean. I would describe her technique more as tossing water onto the floor and rubbing it around. To be honest I don't even know if she uses any cleaning products. I'm the worst cleaner of all time and I could do a better job than her. When syls mom was here, she watched the maid clean and this lady used the same cloth to clean the toilet as she did the sink. That's gross. And she always leaves the floor a sticky mess. But the worst...the very worst part is that she is so damn loud. It's ok if it's any time after say...8:30 because that's reasonable working hours in Germany. But if it is before this time - I'm not amused.

This morning she was doing an above average job at keeping the volume at a motivational level, as in - you shouldn't be sleeping, get up and study. All the crashing and banging, in my opinion does not make you clean any better. When you mop there is no need to throw the mop as hard as you can at my door.

This loudness has always been an issue with these maids but I just deal with it because I appreciate the job they do for me, but today I had enough. I came into the kitchen and in some broken german tried to tell her to shut it...she looked at me like she'd never heard broken german in her life. I was pissed - but now I had to be awake so I came a little bit later (after she'd left, if she was still there I would have sat in the kitchen and glared) and made water. Then I heard that the window was open a little and it sounded like a scream and I was like...that makes sense, I'm not crazy and I found a great sense of relief.

I then came into the kitchen a while later for the second cup of coffee and the other girls were up by this time. Syl came and discussed with me this sound that we had heard. She was aware of the screaming as well, and had the same immediate reaction. Then she heard someone laugh...so I had no idea what happened. I still don't have any further incentive to investigate.

I don't know why I needed such a long post for such a mundane story. You're welcome if you used this to procrastinate from studying.

puppies for everyone

If you don't like puppies - don't ever read this blog again because I don't like you.

It's no secret that I would like a pet. Preferably a puppy but a cat wouldn't be bad either. Thinking about my future I've realized that if my parents are going to make me pay rent, I'm obviously not going to want to stay there that long. Well played mom and dad....

So anyways, when I first got to Germany I definitely realized that a lot of people here have dogs. I think a significantly higher amount of people and this just fuelled my desire to get one even more. I have been begging for a cat at home because they will be needing less attention, but a dog would be preferable. My mother often gets emails of cute cat videos or pictures that I find on the internet, but it does not look promising. So I guess when I move out I'm going to want an animal. The trouble is - I don't have any clue how I would do with training them.

The dogs here in Germany are amazingly trained. Like don't even bother with a leash because they are so calm and tame and just like hanging out. I can't even count the number of times I've just walked passed a dog that isn't on a leash and they don't even look at me. At home I like seeing stray animals because then maybe they'll follow me home and I can keep it.

Once a this happened to me. There was a dog just hanging out on the sidewalk - this little black and white thing. And brave me checked his tags and made him follow me home. It was from really close by and we returned it right away. I remember their house smelled like smokers which is the worst house smell ever.

I've also chosen not to find the cutest pictures of puppies on the internet because I'm already procrastinating my studying for the exam I have today.

eyebrows again

So if you are in university/college you realize that there are a lot of things that you will do not to study.

Yesterday it came down to sylvia deciding that I should have eyebrows. For those of you that know me well - there's not very much there. It's very sparsely populated - however the hair that is there is quite blonde. Sadly I didn't take a picture.

The worst part of the whole experience was having one streak and getting a finger pointed straight in my face and getting laughed at. I told her she would do great at torturing war prisoners....giving them all makeovers

So after the 'makeover' experience ended I skyped with my father, and one of the goals was to make my eyebrows really thick and he called me groucho marx. Then when I put on my nerd glasses it looks even worse. I do regret now not taking a picture.

Also the other day I was bored and I did take a picture. So pretty much I did all my makeup but without any eye makeup. It is so strange how you look without. Like completely different person. I felt a little bit high fashion - but then I realized I don't weigh 68 pounds and the illusion went away.

The most awesome game (I just woke up)

so I literally just woke up seconds ago from a dream where I created the coolest game ever and I wanted to write it down before lal the thoughts go away.

So this isn't an ordinary game - it's like a game that has to be played over a course of like a year. It's only to be played with your closest friends. This will just be sort of an outline because obviously I can't work out all the details immediately. I just woke up!

So the object of the game is to get the most points. This is done by having a meeting with the players every week. During these meetings there are different games and tasks that will be played all in an effort to learn points. Throughout the evening you can earn and ose points through team games, individual challenges and there can be points lost because of specific rules that make no sense. Like during these evenings - for example. one night a rule can be no words that have to do with milk products, so you can't talk about cheese or anything. The rules are all clearly non-sensical and rules will be drawn on the hour, as well as each night will have a few pre-established rules set out by the creators. Wagers can also be made during individual challenges. If you do not complete your challenge, you can wager to complete the challenge. However, if you fail - you must have a punishment that needs to be completed throughout that months. This punishment can be having to lick your way through 16 jawbreakers or motivate 3 people to walk a total of 40 miles (piggybacking is allowed).

Ok I'm starting to wake up a little bit now, but man this game sounds so so intense. And should be played with a group of 12 or so people. But how cool would it be to just live in a year with such an epic game. Drinking is obviously included. One day it would be amazing to just plan everything out but I don't think I have enough cool ideas for any of this.

Nearly as epic as Chardee McDennis!

my former glory (not so glorious)

So I found this little gem today

I was searching for any news I could find on what had happened in the high school provincial games in Manitoba this week (volleyball) and so I googled mbci volleyball. I came across this little feature uploaded five years ago that I never knew existed.

Yup, you may have guessed it. That's me in grade 12. I have not changed. I look exactly the same. I know the numbers are hard to see but if you look at the knee brace that's me.

It's so weird watching myself. I am totally critiquing everything too. Like 'terrible pass' or 'nice hit' - if you go to around 11:29 you see me completely give up and kick the ball. Not sure what happened there.

This does fill me with a little bit of high school regret because watching myself - I really was not as good as I thought. I could serve like a pro, but I was so slow. Although I think in this game I have a pretty decent kill percentage. I just remember that being an extra tough year for volleyball as far as my team went. There was a serious division on the team and of course being team captain and trying to be a good person and be the peacemaker like I always do I felt that I was constantly in the middle - although I probably put myself in there.

I hope that I have the excuse that this was early in the season and I was still recovering from knee issues. I do feel that despite my hours clocked on the bench during club I was a lot better. Perhaps because I was getting pushed more by the team around me.

One thing I hated about this year was the fact that I was team captain and received no awards or recognition. I'll never forget that, because despite the fact that I was fairly average and played many sports I was a good leader and I think that you can see this from the film.

I just hated getting benched with this team. I also did not get set very often.

It's also cool that there are girls that I played club with on the other side of the net.

This also makes me wonder what other gems are going to be out there for my children to discover.

I'm odd

Well first off a big thanks for y'all that got me to over 4,000 page views.

Todays post isn't going to be extremely thrilling. More just me trying to think that I'm not the only person in the world that does this. I was just spending some lovely time reading and listening to music and so I came across a sentence fingers were laid theatrically over lips. And after I read this...I totally did it. Like as though I couldn't visualize what was happening in the book so I needed to try it for myself. I think that I often imitate small expressions from books. Maybe because I think they'll be cool for me to try out in my own life.

I also do this with accents. I totally read my characters with different accents. A few months back I read the book The Help which is about black maids during the 60s and the author wrote the 'black' parts with some of the words and slang and spelled words the way these characters would pronounce them. I accented the shit out of that - in my head of course....

I also always feel that I would be great at doing these in real life because they sound unreal in my head - not true. It's the same case with German, I review words and sentences in my head all the time but they never come out the way I want. I guess I just need to be a little bit more confident.

Please tell me if you can relate to any of this...

Actually please just tell me you read books.

your twenties

They always say that your teens are the toughest years of your life.

That was not the case for me. I was quite happy with who I was and myself during junior high and high school. I think the naivety really helped me through that a lot. Looking back I'm sure that I thought a lot higher of myself than some of my peers did. Whether that was being passed over for awards or different sports things. Going back I wouldn't change anything because I was happy at that time and isn't that what it's all about. It kind of sucks looking that you were disillusioned from reality but that's part of life isn't it?

Maybe the reason that my twenties seem a little tougher is because my teens went so smoothly. Obviously there were some points where friends would be friends one day and not the next but I was pretty immune to that and just didn't really care. But now without that structure of high school it's strange for me that I get to make decisions on my own. It may be the fact that I still live my parents in the summers or that I am financially dependent on them that keeps me from acting like someone in their twenties. Last summer I got back to the house later than anticipated and my parents were disappointed because I didn't let them know I was going to be late. I can totally understand their point, but at this point in my life it's weird that I should have to be accountable to people with my comings and goings. I'm sure they feel the same way, but hey, they're parents - the care.

Sometimes I think people in their twenties have such a difficult time because the fact that they never really learned how to be motivated is catching up with them. This is the perfect opportunity to start projects, get involved and all that jazz. It's so much easier to stay at home and sleep the whole day because finally you are allowed to sleep in with no repercussions. But your twenties are tough because they really build your foundation for what you are going to do within the world.

Your teens are there for you to shape a your personality and find out what is important to you. This is often done through experimentation and going through different phases - and mixed along with hormones is extra fun for your parents. Then this is solidified during the late teens, for most this is in university or when you move out. Then early twenties you are finally free from most of the institutional aspect of your life, unless you are a little bit late, or really smart getting a professional degree. But now you are faced with figuring out what on earth you are going to do with your life. Literally you can do whatever you want. There may be some red tape in actually doing whatever you want - but the biggest thing holding you back is yourself. That's the toughest part is narrowing down all the crap and ideas you have in your head and actually pursue something. This usually means giving up something be it money, or connection to family or otherwise and that's what makes it the most scary. Gosh - is this the first part of starting to give stuff up. Maybe as you grow older the big theme is starting to give things up.....

You that are older are probably just laughing at me thinking that I know nothing - and when I read this in three years i will probably think the same.

I guess I'm talking more about what I've observed from peers that are going through university and really making my own assessments. I'm not an expert - clearly.

tidbits #283

I realized that I talk about movies a lot - this post will be no exception

I was watching sleeping beauty and it is such a horrible message. When the little princess is born the first two give her the gifts of beauty and a beautiful voice. Judging by the archaic-ness of the first gift I'm surprised that the fairies would allow her to have a beautiful voice. I figured women wouldn't actually be allowed to talk. Or it could just be the pet that is allowed to come out of the kitchen only the entertain the guests by singing, but she's not allowed to talk other than that. Obviously I shouldn't be surprised, judging by the time that this film was made which was 1959 (coincidently the same year my father was born, age spoiler!) If you've watched any of the show Mad Men all these values shouldn't surprise you at all.

I was also watching the Sarah Jessica Parker 'masterpiece' I don't know how she does it. The story talks about how she has to try to balance her high powered career, with her family. In the film her character seemed to constantly put her family in the back seat because she was working on this project she had a lot of passion for. The movie basically told me that you can't have it all, and if you want to you should feel guilty about it. There was also another foil that was super-focused on her career and accidentally got pregnant and decided not to terminate the pregnancy. Is this some male based strategy telling women that it's ok to get pregnant so that they can make sure that men stay in charge.

Am I reading way to far into this?

I didn't enjoy the movie anyways.

I do realize that I sound like a ranting feminist here - which I am not. I just am a realist and like to think that I am aware of inequalities and honestly I really only care the most about them when they are happening to me personally. I am to self-centered to protest anything.

Are Tv shows getting less funny

I remember when I was a little kid and all I wanted to do was watch the simpsons, but no - mother and father wouldn't let me because I wasn't mature enough. I think this lasted until I was 15 and looking back now it's weird to see my parents not letting me watch that.

Anyways, I used to think it was such a funny show. Then I was allowed to watch family guy and I loved that show even more than the simpsons. Through the first two years of university I would generally watch both of these on TV, if I missed the simpsons I didn't care, but family guy was always a must. Eventually I just stopped caring for the simpsons altogether because I don't think that it's funny anymore. Family guy just pushed the boundaries so much more, and appealed to me so much more and I just couldn't deal with the simpsons anymore. It seemed so juvenile.

Another show I used to watch consistently was the office, my mom and I would watch it together if we could, but if not together I would call her to discuss the episode. One time she even hung up on me because I forgot it was on that night (at this point I worked thursdays so I watched them all online the next day). But now, I have no desire to watch it.

The point of these being - have these shows just not been funny, or have I just watched them to long that I got bored with them. I'm soo upset this year because my favourite show of all time it's always sunny in philidelphia BLOWS this season. I have forced myself to laugh in nearly all the episodes, except two that were actually funny. Maybe it's because these shows become popular and when they do they can hire more writers, and perhaps this dilutes some of the core aspects that initially made the show funny. Another favourite show of mine is 30 rock, and I have not found a change in humour levels because tina fey has been at the helm the entire time.

I don't know if anyone else has any opinions about these TV shows, or has felt the same way - but is all TV just going through a slump right now? Last summer sucked for television and I never watched anything but big brother (although summer usually sucks), but was it worse this year? Or maybe my expectations are to high?

motivation

About 7 minutes prior to writing this post I was sweeping up my room and it gave my the inspiration to blog. I'll give you some context why.

It is currently 12:48 pm on friday november 11 and I have just returned from the school library where I was doing homework from 10-12. I was up at 8:30 this morning after falling asleep around 1-1:30 last night. Needless to say I'm a little bit tired.

This seems to be a minor reflection of the mood I've been trying to put myself in - a mood in which I am not so damn lazy and actually do things. I've already been in Germany for 2 months and I feel like I don't have that much time left in this area, and when thinking about spending time here in my flat on stumbleupon (best/worst website ever) or going out and seeing something new I'm gonna take the second option.

Even keeping my room clean is something that has been done with as much effort as I have done this year. In fact, I have even hand washed the floors at least once and certainly plan on doing it again, possibly even today. At the beginning I was even more diligent and keeping my room clean and making my bed everyday - but that has fallen through a little. I do want to make a better effort - actually I'll take a little blog break to do this.

Done.

It's going to be important for me to keep this level of motivation up because I'm super broke and cannot afford to travel with my friends (pity post) but I'm ok because I still will be making new memories for myself and that's for me the point of travelling, to see things that you've never seen before. Personally tourist kind of places are not super exceptional to visit, or don't really have a huge draw because I feel like I already know them because I've already been super exposed through tv, movies and other media outlets. How many times have you heard of this really neat hiking trail that gives great views of the Rhein-Neckar Valley...likely never and I like to be able to discover these things. The only problem is that it sucks to have no one to share these memories with.

Last night I got to create another memory because the Heidelberg-Mannheim film festival is currently running and last night was the opening night. They also had films for a dollar. Clearly I'm in germany and my german may not be up to par to watch an entire movie so when looking through the program I looked for films that could possibly be from other countries and so I found one with an american director. All was kind of cool and the director introduced the film in english so I thought this could be my lucky day. It was in russian! But it had both english subtitles on screen and german titles on a separate screen below the big screen. I am glad I went - certainly worth the price of admission, but it was a strange movie.

I guess I'll just be playing some more "get on the first train anywhere"

I'm excited

#occupymannheim

Yesterday in my sales and customer relationship management class we had a guest speaker from an organization called UBS.

I payed (or would I use paid) attention for the first hour I'd say, at least that's when I first looked at my phone. It was a decent presentation for the first bit. But really just got boring after a while. I think it may have been my complete un-interest in wealth management. It was a very interesting presentation because he was basically trying to explain how they need to attract customers - and how they have to make sure that their clients are 'wealthy' enough. In my head this even means the upper middle class are not welcome in this group. If you are not a millionaire this organization does not care about your wealth. That's fine. I understand that some businesses focus on this - and others focus on the normal everyday person. That's fine. It was just interesting because of all this #occupywallstreet stuff that's going on right now - which as much as I've read about it I'm still not sure I completely understand everything.

I do understand that people aren't happy with banks and the disparity created between the classes that is growing.

Just a sidebar to this - maybe their riches are growing in some part because there are these firms that are working to grow their money properly and grow investments. I mean - how are people like me going to expect to make the same kind of returns as someone with a lot more money. It's just not possible. I guess this could be one of the problems?

But anyways - this whole lecture makes me again think about being in business school and it's a fact; people go into business to make money. That's why businesses exist. That's why people buy shares - it's a driver of capitalism and that is the kind of society we live in. We can't deny that fact. Don't get me wrong, I do want to make money one day. But I don't think I want it as bad as a lot of my colleagues. It is a little strange that I'm going to get a business degree because I don't know if I agree with a lot of businesses.

I was riding on the tram the other day and the way we went drove past a lot of enormous factories. I realized that factories kind of scare me, like all I think about is pollution and depressed people. Like I know a few people that work in factories and no one is every happy about their job. It just gives me a weird uneasy feeling in my stomach and I can't quite figure out what it is about large organizations that do that. I think it makes me feel like I'm inadequate. If I was working in one of these large organizations in an upper management type position and did matter so to speak, I still don't think I'd be comfortable. It also could be that I just really need to work somewhere that I truly believe that what they are offering is of value to people and not just churning shit out to make a buck.

body switching

So I'm just wondering - how many movies are there with body switching and why do people seem to be turned on by this idea. It's clearly nothing new.

They all have the same idea. At first they hate the fact that they are in someone else's body, then they try to exploit their position, with a couple of really cheap jokes...then eventually everyone realizes how much they miss their own body and yay...everyone learns the lesson about being happy with yourself and recognize that the grass is always greener on the other side. Or they are able to learn about walking a mile in someone else's shoes so the speak.

What I don't understand is how on earth this keeps being a realistic scenario - in the history of the world has anyone ever been switched into some else's body. No - this has never happened! Why is this idea so popular.

Also - why do people never want to tell anyone what's happened. Like why does it need to be some giant secret. Like sure maybe someone has some super important event that they need to be prepared for and can't do anything about it. Obviously it you explain what's going on people will not be like no we don't care about your explanation -

I guess they would think you're crazy...

These movies just to sum up - never good.

Accents

I'll start off by saying - accents are so weird. Like me and the people from england all speak english. But the way that we say words is completely different. It's weird to think how accents change all over the place. Even within the US it's clear there is a difference between people from Seattle to South Dakota to South Carolina all say their words different.

Now I must say that not all people from a region have that same accent.

Even hear in Germany the way that people speak compared across different areas is different. Especially in the area where I'm living it is often noticeable that people pronounce words differently than how I've learned to say them.

I was thinking about this when watching some old-timey movies and they are americans but they don't talk like americans do today. And then I got to thinking about how America was settled by the British - so obviously the first settlers had those accents. But why don't they speak British english there now? And I guess that it slowly left the tongue of people, but I wonder why that is.

As weird as accents are - don't even get my started on regional slang.

Munich: Neuschwanstein

So I did actually get to do something a little less depressing. It was pleasing spectacle to visit was the castle of the (Mad) King, Ludwig II - Neuschwanstein.

I was not sure what to expect because I felt like it was going to be a bit of a touristy place - that's what people had told me prior to going.

So we got up at about 8:10 because we had to be at the train station to meet at 9:15. Luckily I went to bed no later than 1 the previous morning....

So anyways - it was a two hour train ride there. The first hour sucked. The second hour wasn't to bad because we got to see some hills - but the best was when the Alps started peeking up.

One thing I'll admit - I'll never get tired of seeing mountains. They are just so wonderful.

So eventually we got to the town of Füssen, which is a cute little alpine town for tourists in the area. It's weird seeing Alpine houses that are actually legit because whenever I see an actual alpine style house in canada I just find it so kitschy, and I almost thought it there but then I realized that it was pretty legit.

One thing you may not realize prior to going (I didn't) is that to get from the town to the actual castle is at least a twenty minute walk at about a 50 degree incline. My legs were already tired from walking the day before - but I guess that counts as exercise so I'm fine with that. To be honest I really do enjoy hiking a lot more than when my parents forced me to go as a young child.

Eventually we arrived at the peak where the castle was. Really - it's not that big. My favourite thing about it though was that the king who built it, had it built above the castle he grew up in. I think so that we could look down and rub it in their faces.

Something else I think that people fail to forget is that the castle was built in the mid-late 1800s (I forget the dates and I'm to lazy to look it up: I'll also apologize for not adding more historical fun facts in this - I'm lazy). There were fairly modern amenities such as plumbing - and a telephone! The toilet was quite funny because it was an actual throne. I don't think I'd be super jazzed about sitting on leather though to release my bowels. (too graphic?)

So basically we got up to the top of the hill and our tour guide told us a few facts - whatever...nothing I didn't know after listening to my favourite podcast. Then we had some time to do whatever and eventually we walked up even further to the marienbruke where I took this picture

So so pretty!

But it really isn't as big as you expect. Another thing you don't expect is the fact that it wasn't finished. King Ludwig II died prior to it's completion and one of his requests was that if he ever died - the structure should be torn down.

Apparently this structure was inspired by versailles which I don't understand. This is a medieval style castle - versailles I don't think was even that medieval (correct me if I'm wrong). This castle was also then the inspiration for the cinderella castle at disney world. I don't really get that either. The only resemblance I see is that it's white and has a turret. Even the completed structure doesn't resemble the disney castle.

We did get a chance to go on a tour inside but it was less than inspired. It was so cool to see all the inside stuff though because there are few pictures to be found due to the fact that photography isn't aloud inside. It was neat to see how the king took so much inspiration from very heroic/epic events. Many of the chandeliers were inspired by byzantium and all the illustrations on the walls were from operas or heroic myths - with the story of Tristan and Isolde being portrayed on the walls within his bedroom. The ornate carving above the bed was one of the highlights of the tour and I wish I could share that with you. I found it interesting how paintings were actually done right on the walls- whereas today you hang a painting upon the wall. I guess that gives reasons for the permanence within the castle.

The very best part of the tour was the walk at the end. We were blessed with such a good tour group that was all able to walk down the scenic route. It was along a stream that had many different waterfalls. Had it been summer and I had my bathing suit I would not have hesitated in diving in.

I drank from that stream. It was just so awesome and pretty!

I have a new goal - find a farmers son so that I can travel to the country during christmas and holidays. I think living there permanently would make me crazy because I would feel to isolated.

Munich: Dachau - Part E -

I don't exactly know how to title this. Despair, hopelessness....

I think this little post will explain why I can't imagine, or sympathize as much as I want to.

The people living in this camps were in an unbearable situation. They literally had no rites. Upon entering the camp they were all made to look the same and given numbers - so that one would only be different from your neighbour by the fact that you had a different digit. It's just a position in which you have no hope. Every single day you don't want to wake up because you know that nothing good is going to happen to you that day. It doesn't matter if it rains, snows or is sunny.

When I fall asleep every night I find that my mind shifts to things that I wish to dream about, or that I hope will happen to me in the future, and I find myself thinking of comfortable feelings...rainbows, puppies, and etc. What did these people dream of before they fell asleep - boy I hope I get food tomorrow, or I hope that I don't get hit tomorrow.

Everything that makes people human spirit wise was gone from this camp, and this was all done deliberately.

You are made to always be alone - but never alone. You were crowded into bunks, three or four people to a bed made for one. Talking among prisoners was probably not allowed in front of the guards, and so you were stuck with your thoughts all day. I mentioned in one of the previous posts that one of the punishments was being alone in a box. I would actually go crazy. What can you think about for that long. And you have no mental stimulation to keep you active. You know how sometimes you overreact to something and your train of thought goes super crazy. Imagine dealing with that for four months. I feel like in that situation you just simply question everything. Studies have shown (I'm not making this up despite the way I started this sentence) that after 15 minutes alone you start to show signs of mental weakening. People need stimulation to keep their brain active.

I imagine that a common feeling among prisoners was that of apathy and restrained anger. There were so many of them, but everything was taken away from them, and they became slaves to the state which was in the form of prison guards. They were there solely to serve. They were no longer there for themselves. They couldn't go as they pleased. They had no choice in anything, except you can die now or later. Rumors I feel were also a huge part of the camp life which likely led to some form of hope. These tiny glimmers of a saviour coming to rescue them perhaps was something that drove hope of survivors. Or maybe they felt that staying alive was one way they could defy their captors.

Many people committed suicide by running and jumping into the electric barbed wire fences. I really don't know if it is worse to live through this, or die early. Often we consider suicide the way out for people that are to weak to face the world. But I know this is a little weird, we can learn from harry potter that there are worse things than death. They are no longer living in fear every day.

These people are likely so desensitized from seeing so much tragedy around them that being alive or dead doesn't make a real difference for them. Every morning for role call the dead bodies needed to be brought out so that all could be accounted for, but everyone was probably just used to it.

Perhaps I am dehumanizing these people too much by saying they didn't have feelings - but it's probably just something that everyone eventually got used to. If you don't care - nothing matters anymore.

But there are stories of hope, of prisoners bonding together. I wonder what the biggest thing keeping the prisoners from actually turning on the guards was. While they were still strong they should have turned on the guards. If I knew that I was going to die anyways I think that I'd be willing to go for it. The inmates vastly outnumbered the guards. It's nice to know however that they were able to bond int heir hatred, and I think there are many untold stories of people not competing with each other for resources, but lending help to a fellow brother.

Munich: Dachau - Part F - Finale

So I know that I have been giving quite a bit of opinion so far - and it seems that I am saying - the most surprising thing before nearly every sentence, which may say something. As much as I thought I might know there is no true way to explain what you would expect.

Our tour guide mentioned that people in the city really didn't know what was going on as they were forbidden to be anywhere near the camp. But to me there is no way that people wouldn't have any idea what's going on. Even if prisoners were arriving at night I'm sure that they must have been seen by people. Obviously though residents of the town couldn't risk talking with others in the town by what was going on at risk of being told on. Betrayal was one of the reasons the Nazis had so much success. They scared the crap out of everyone - and were so threatening so that people had no choice but to give up someone else to protect their own life. Obviously I'd like to think that I wouldn't be cowardly and stay brave and not throw someone I loved to the Nazis - but I really couldn't say and I feel awful about that. But the main point is that there no reason that people in the town wouldn't be suspicious because there were always people going in but no one ever coming out.

The Nazi's were also known as rigorous record keepers recorded and numbered every prisoner going through their camps, but were burning bodies so that people didn't realize what they were actually doing in the camps. This to me doesn't make sense.

It's just so frightening to hear these stories even once. Becky and I got talking with our tour guide after going through the gas chamber and crematorium and he was sitting inside. We asked why he didn't himself take us through there. He said that most tour guides don't like going in there, especially when they are coming to this site everyday. In fact he said that many tour guides including himself get nightmares from reliving this so much. I never thought about the physical toll that this may take on people and it's so hard for us to imagine it, let alone live through the whole experience. I'd really like to hear the account of a prison guard to see what their mentality was truly like. I think it brings up the whole debate as to weather or not people are born evil or have it trained into them.

Lastly I wanted to say that before coming to Germany everyone has their preconceived notions, and be honest - it makes you think of hitler and nazis. I am the same way. I used to not want to come here because I was so concerned about the fact that this holocaust had been run by this country. I was talking with someone from here at the beginning of the year and she said that when she travels this is how people know her. On the tour I learned that in schools german students are taught at length about the second world war and it is mandatory that they visit a prison camp in order to graduate. I like that they do this, but it obviously is not something that they did. I think they hear a lot about how bad germany was during this situation - but they were not there. These were not decisions made by their generation...or even their parents generation. At the risk of sounding insensitive - I think that this does draw some parallels with what is happening in Canada with many of the indigenous people wanting retribution for things that happened years before my parents were even a twinkle in someone's eye. It feels like it shouldn't be my issue anymore. It wasn't my choice, and for the germans in my generation it wasn't their choice either.

So...I hope that you 'enjoyed' this little 'series' on Dachau. I'm sorry that it took so long to get everything out - but it's not something that I felt right skipping over so much. I really do encourage you to get out and visit a prison camp because as much as I've tried to explain - you cannot write down the feelings that you experience when going. I thought that when going I'd be a little bit more emotional, but that was not the case. I was not emotionless, but I just felt cold inside, and that I couldn't have feelings as deep as I wanted to feel them. As much or as little you know though - please visit, and honour those who didn't receive the honour that was due to them.

Munich: Dachau - Part D - some stories

I'll try to maintain judgement on each story so that it doesn't get to redundant, but I'll say now - these stories make you laugh because you truly cannot believe that people can be so evil.

The Prison

I talked about the prison in yesterdays blog but I didn't go into detail.

It was such a horrific feeling being in there. I'm not one to go for the supernatural, but if anything has ever been haunted - that is the place! In fact our tour guide when in there alone has heard voices talking to him. As well, someone on one of his tours, a big bulky football player came out completely white asking if the place was haunted, because he too had heard a voice speaking with him.

Becky took one picture of the hallway and at first thought she had caught a ghost on film. If she had I would not be surprised. It was already so cold in there, and when you looked into the different cells you kept expecting to see someone in there.

Back when operational they used to keep people in closets, just big enough that you couldn't sit down, meaning you would be forced to stand for weeks on end, with little to now break.

They also had a black box that was completely free of light, pretty much lying in your own coffin - one guy had stayed in there for four months. The only reason that he knew time was passing is because of the warm meal provided every four days.

Punishments

One of the real punishment like things we saw was this bench that we saw and it had a wooden whip that would be carted out in front of everyone and if you were getting beat you would be forced to count the number of hits out loud for everyone to hear. If you made a mistake you start again, if they couldn't hear you start again. Many people died from the injuries caused by this alone.

One other punishment that was actually outlawed, which really strikes me as odd that of all the things they did - they would outlaw this - was having the prisoners hands tied behind their back and then suspended from a tree. This could eventually crush their rib cage. The reason it was outlawed was because it left to many people injured and incapable of working.

The Grass

Along the entire perimeter of the camp was a grass boulevard (?) that prisoners were under no circumstances allowed to step upon. This meant they would be immediately shot, no questions, from one of the six guard towers. This then meant that guards could actually throw someone's hat on the grass - they'd be beat if they didn't get it, and shot it they did. Prisoners could also 'accidentally fall' after a push from the guard. And as a last resort it could be used as a means of suicide.

I know that I say grass, and you're like - hey, I thought this place was lifeless. Well it still is, but that doesn't mean that there wasn't a lot of trees which I found to go oddly with the fact that they could grow life in a place that harvested death. The trees themselves weren't original but they were in fact the same species that had grown when there were prisoners there.

Munich: Dachau - Part C - more info

When you think 'prison camp' you assume that being in the camp is already a prison - but would you expect a prison inside a prison?

I didn't.

I still don't know if I completely understand the entire purpose. Realistically it was just some sick perverted game for the Nazis to play. I guess they needed to keep those people separated from the other prisoners so that they wouldn't get 'ideas' because that could have lead to a possible revolution. But realistically they weren't doing anything in prison to contribute to the efficiency system of the german government so I don't quite understand. I guess because they thought that these people could be of some help to them, possibly by the information they could have possessed.

I guess one thing that I didn't realize was that Dachau was initially opened in 1933 - the year hitler came into power. This was originally a place solely for political enemies. Some prisoners, those that didn't stand out, actually lasted the entire 12 years at Dachau.

The whole of Dachau was the first prison camp and was known as the school of terror. There is a japanese architect that designed a house that was supposed to help people lose weight because they would constantly be shifting and never able to really sit still, hence burning more calories. This seems to be the same basis for the Dachau school of thought. Just doing these small little things that degraded people, and bring their spirits down little by little. Nothing super obvious, just like you don't notice when you have one thing out of place. When first opened and there were less people at the camp, one of the things prisoners would have to do was build these tiny little walls by carrying bricks from one side of the camp to the other. Once the wall was finished it would be kicked down and they would have to build the wall on the other side of the yard. All little meaningless activities.

Dachau was known for being so 'good' at what they did that they were the training school for all major prison camps. In fact, the director at Auschwitz was hired for that position solely because of his Dachau training.

This place where they used to train prison guards is now used as a training centre for the Bavarian Riot police. Our tour guide said that one day he was taking people around to the gas chambers some of the tear gas used for training had enveloped that area. While we were there we just heard yelling.

Another thing I want to stress was that the camp was not just a place for jews - as mentioned before Dachau started as a place for political enemies and as hitler gained more power, the definition for enemies of the state was expanded so that racial discrimination became a larger part of everything.

Munich: Dachau - Part B - initial reactions

Arriving to the camp I didn't know what I should expect.

We had a fantastic tour guy and only six people on our tour so it was nice to be able to have such an intimate experience and be able to ask questions without worry of interrupting his speech. Often on tours you'll encounter those who really don't care that much for history and ours was an exception. To get to the camp itself we took a train about 25 minutes south of munich and I didn't realize that Dachau was actually a little town itself. What a bad name to have because the whole world assumes it with prison camp.

So from the train station we took a bus to the actual site. I think the weather described my feelings well that day. It was pretty hazy, with a little bit of wind. I just couldn't get comfortable.

We started out in front of the gates market 'arbeit macht frei' - which apparently were replicas as the originals were stolen shortly after liberation. I'd really like to know where they are now. One thing to remember is that this camp was opened I believe in 1965, by survivors and family members. Another neat thing was that at the entrance there is a way to go around the gates so that survivors of the camp would never need to walk through those gates again. Something I didn't expect was that the door was only a small door. I thought it would be a larger gate.

There also seemed to be a lot of army vets wearing their proper 'squadron A blah blah' there and they didn't look old enough to be part of the liberators and all I could think of was the pompous american attitude about 'yeah we came and kicked some nazi ass' or 'if it wasn't for us you'd be talking german.' I really can appreciate what they did and in no way do I want to downplay it. But I don't appreciate bragging about killing people. Sorry I'm just a pacifist.

It was very very open there and it's always and strange feeling when you're in a wide open space, but it was even weirder being in a wide open space where you have heard about the atrocities committed there. All you think is really? really here? It seems that dead or lifeless is a good way to describe it.

There is also a wall on the far side of the camp, and right on the other side a normal road. I feel like for myself I wouldn't want a road there. I just thought it was strange.

In general though it was so hard to wrap your mind about everything. Inside the actual museum part we ended up watching about a 20 minute movie and there was a lot of footage from when the americans came to liberate the camp. If that's how horrible conditions were when they were liberated it is so difficult to imagine conditions prior to that. In fact our tour guide said that 2000 people died even after liberation because it was so bad.

In one part of the video it showed some ladies being toured and shown a room just full of dead bodies that were supposed to be there for cremation. I was in there. I think the crematorium and gas chambers were the worst part because it was just direct murder that happened there. Like there was no waiting for someone to die off - you specifically chose those people. I did feel a little weak and sick to my stomach.

It's weird to think how many people died there - of both torture and sickness. And although they did have a gas chamber there it was used 6 times. Something I thought was strange - and as I was walking through it I admit I panicked a little - was that they were told they were going to have a shower. That's the worst ruse I have ever heard. Especially because they would see the burning that was going on next door. And the worst was that of course the clothes would be sanitized and reused for the next prisoner - straight off the back of someone who had died yesterday.

The strangest part of the whole camp was the beauty of the garden surrounding the gas chamber and crematorium. It was so green and so lush and so calm and pretty. But it was also the home of the ashes of thousands of people.

Also surrounding the camp was the clearest river I have ever seen. Just a little quick moving bubbling stream that was so calm - apparently many ashes were sent down that river.

Even without the stories narrated to us by the tour guide it just wasn't a comfortable place to be and you really felt the physical presence of nothingness.

Munich: Dachau - Part A - introduction

So I actually made a draft for this. Actually I made a pretty long draft on the train ride home - and I'm in the library at school working and left that draft at home.

Anyways, it is very difficult to talk about the prison camp using an positive associations. Leading up to the tour that I went on with Becky we were talking about how we were feeling about this upcoming trip. But it was so hard to find the proper words that we wanted to use because no I'm not excited about going to a prison camp, I'm not looking forward to it. Like it's just not a place that anyone would want to go.

I think that going there however is very important and necessary for people to visit to really grasp. But even after my visit I find myself searching for more understanding. But truly one can never understand the magnitude and the damage of the camps. I have myself already been to the holocaust museum in Washington DC but the more I learned about this whole situation the more I want to understand.

One thing I never realized was how many work, or labour and concentration camps there were. Many were however just smaller outlets served to help serve the larger camps.

So over the next few days I'll share my adventures and some of the different things I noticed. I think this is something that I could realistically type at length about so I'll break it up over the next couple of days so you don't get bored all at once.

I just want to note that it is really hard to talk about this kind of a subject without sounding to cavalier. I want to stress the importance of this kind of place so that we can kind find some way to honour all those unnamed victims.

Munich: Partied a little

So the last time I went to Munich I had one goal in mind - drink as much beer as I could

I saw two things - drunks and dirndls

This past weekend I felt that this needed to change.

I saw a few more things this weekend.

I think that one thing I certainly noticed this past time was the difference in just the way that people are. There seems to be a lot of pride in being a Bavarian, which is something that I had heard about before going to Germany. I can't quite pinpoint what it was, but it was just the way that people held themselves and talked about things, as well as the architecture. The more cities I visit outside of mannheim the less I enjoy it here. It just really made me feel a lot closer to history because all the buildings felt so familiar as though out of a movie. Sadly it reminded me a lot of german history during WWII.

So we left thursday after what I'm hoping is my last university presentation ever...if it's not I'm going to be pretty upset. But I'm not going to dwell on how badly I got screwed by mannheim. (that's last blog)

So the first night we went out to a club called pacha which is apparently super famous in europe, meaning I definitely haven't heard of it. It was obviously not my type of music seeing as how the electric-disoc-pop-trance-Idon'tknow does not appeal to me. It would be cool to explore a little bit more of the indie music scene.

It was weird at this club because there were so many different demographics. We were back at the same club on saturday as well and I looked to my left and there are all these posh little 18 year old boys and I look to my right and it looks like their dads came along with them.

The best part about this club though was that we went with people who had contacts at the club - I'm not sure about the whole things. All I know is that I didn't pay for a drink all night and we started of thursday with bottles of champagne. Decent!

Then on saturday it was super strange because we were able to just pop right on into that back where they keep all the stock and people are working. Light up a smoke for those who wanted to - whatever, no problem. I felt like a VIP.

The best part of saturday though was not realizing the time - and getting back to the hotel to dip our sore feet into the warm bath tub. I looked down at my phone - 6:11! And the craziest part was that I'm sure I could have gone longer. I have really found my perfect zone of tolerance.

When we were at the first club in saturday is that there was one guy who was leaving and he left us half a bottle of vodka (or wodka). Again - decent!

Now don't get the wrong idea that all I did was drink this weekend. I just can't fit everything that I want to say into one blog - you'll leave to earlier to finish everything...if you haven't left already!

I'm screwed - thanks Mannheim

So I'll give you the entire list of why I don't ever recommend going to mannheim business school.

I'm screwed right now

I wanted to go to this intensive seminar which is a class worth 6 ECTS (or a half credit) which is all I need to graduate.

So I went to the class yesterday and it was discovered that I did not register for the class - but wait...I did register for the exam last week.

I talked to some of the other girls in class and apparently they had received an email in august about limited space in this class and that registration was necessary simply to attend the class.

So I'm clearly in class panicking the entire time - but I'm thinking no it's going to be ok It's gonna work itself out. I went multiple times to go talk to the chair in charge of the class but he wasn't there.

So I sent him an email last night detailing the situation.

Dear Mrs. Schmidt,

Thank you for your note. Since the number of applicants for the Procurement
Course (OPM 543) exceeded the course capacity we had to restrict access to
the course. All applicants were informed about this process by email about a
month ago.

I am sorry, but since we have reached the maximum number of participants
(and rejected many applicants) I cannot admit you to the course at this
stage.

Kind regards,
Moritz Fleischmann

Sir - I don't understand 1. if you have a heart (no because a lot of germans don't - sorry) 2. you realize what kind of position I am in. Other people may be trying to weasel their way into this class but I have no other options literally.

This year, aside from being amazing to live in Germany - academically has been the worst that I've ever had. It's so frustrating to have one plan coming here to the university and trying to be prepared as possible and then having all your plans changed the moment you get here. For example - all the classes I had planned to participate in - I think I'm in one of those. Everything that we received in the online course outline had completely changed when we got here. We also couldn't register for anything online because all the masters students would be getting priority to get into those classes anyways.

So now all I can do is think back at how could I miss something like this - was it my fault?

And the worst part is that now I have to go back to school again. I feel so pathetic.

So I think right now the best plan is to take a class next summer at university of winnipeg - oh but wait. I have no money because I've spent it all here. Literally it's such a waste of money because I had to pay full tuition for a credit and a half. That's bullshit!

And it looks even worse because when you're the student it's always assumed that you just weren't paying attention. That's just how the world works. But I honestly don't know what else I could have done.

I'm going to go talk to someone at school and see if there is any last hope for anything.

I'm really upset though.

Movies again

It's really sad - but it seems that I watch a lot of movies being away from home. Especially the fact that I don't have television. you may be thinking - why on earth do you need to watch TV, you live in Europe - make the most of your experience. This is a very valid statement. I have thought the same thing a few times and that has prompted me to go on a few little day trips. In fact yesterday I decided it's sunday, I have nothing to do, why not walk home from school. It only took about and hour and it was such a nice day, but I wish I would have brought my ipod (side note - my shuffle has such good songs right now. I was listening to it on my way home from something and every single song was a hit - unreal!)

But anyways, belec and I have starting going through trilogies. So we started with Lord of the Rings and now we are starting harry potter. I think we have star wars and indiana jones coming up. (She decided that she hated Indiana Jones because of the latest movie with aliens - which I have not seen. That's like judging star wars by episode 3!) But it seems that with each of the series things in public remind me of what we've been watching. Because it happened with LOTR and now it's happening with harry potter. It's really strange.

It's also interesting how all of us in the house like different kinds of movies. And it's also weird how they overlap. Like belec and syl both like disney and thrillers, which I will watch every once in a while. Syl and I enjoy musicals and random other comedies, like some chick flicks. Then becky and I like fantasy and then other comedies that syl doesn't like.

I was really trying hard to think of what kind of genre I'm really into. Because the movies that I enjoy don't necessarily fit into the same category. What I've come up with is that I love characters. I think that's why I enjoy movies like wet hot american summer or it's always sunny in Philadelphia. For me it's not just the lines that characters say. It's what they are saying in relation to who they are. And I think that makes things even funnier, when the writers are able to really understand who the person is, and then the actor is able to interpret and act into that as well.

does this make sense? (I think this should be the new name for my blog)

Also - I watched viva las vegas recently. Number one - there is something weird about the way Ann Margret Dances. Number two - if I ever became a famous musician I would love to do 50s musical covers as part of my set.

twitter success story

So I know that I used to be a huge twitter basher, but like saul on his road to rome - I had a conversion (not religious however). Perhaps this metaphor is a little to dramatic, but never-the-less I converted to more twitter for coming to Germany.

Manny was always trying to convince me how awesome it was and that I shouldn't knock it until I tried it. I've had fun for the first little bit, but realistically I figure that nobody really reads it or for that matter really cares.

Also, I have these silly student loans and since I'm not getting more money every year I have to confirm that I am in fact still enrolled in a post-secondary institution so that I don't have to pay any money back. I usually just have one form to fill out and I got that done super early this year. In fact I was able to complete it all by email. Now I recall in my first year having to send a separate form to Manitoba student loans however the past three years I don't recall doing this (although I am forgetful). Needless to say - mother and father received a letter in the mail detailing my repayment schedule - no thanks I have no money and I'm still in school. So we called just to see whether or not they had just not received the form I sent to the national student center and we find out there was another form as I initially suspected. (I'm sorry the set up is taking longer than I expected - I just need you all to have context) So I have to get these forms filled out. Since I don't have a printer my mother filled out the few parts she needed to and scanned and sent them to me so that I could send them to the same people at Brock that completed my last forms.

This was two weeks ago that I sent this. I received no response. I sent a second email a week later. No Response. In another attempt I sent this again yesterday. In an exasperated attempt to vent some frustration I took to twitter so that brock would know I was not impressed.

@BrockUniversity does anyone work in #safa. I have been waiting nearly two weeks for a response #onexchange

No less than 43 minutes later I received a message back from brock saying

I'm looking into it and trying to get you a direct contact for your questions."I have been waiting nearly two weeks for a response"

Then within the hour I received this (I'll protect some privacy here)

Please contact (name), Manager Financial Aid at (email address) or (phone number)

(Name) also mentioned that she also doesn't mind calling you. Simply email her the phone number and time to call

That's decent service!! - although it shouldn't take a desperate twitter cry to receive this!

So I emailed this lady and this morning I was on the top of her priority list!

I was talking to the girls about this and apparently some large companies are starting to implement technology so that they can see real time what customers are needing - this is especially in hotels and airplanes.

Awesome.