25-02-12

It's starting to wear on me. I am feeling a little bit isolated. It is very difficult to be in a new city and not really know people. - like how on earth do people make friends. My entire time in Germany I have felt like I do a lot of exploring on my own which is super cool because I have discovered some really neat stuff - and I honestly have no regrets coming here. I just wish that I could make more friends. I'm a pretty outgoing person and I can talk to people but how to you translate that to a hangout. I feel a little bit like Peter Klaven from I love you man (editors note - please just watch the last quarter of this to get how I feel - like a 35 year old year old looking for a best man)



I think that I always picture myself in my head with a vast network of friends, but realistically it is a large variety of networks with few close friends. Is it just me? This is getting extremely honest for something that is meant to be posted online. Good for me...? I don't consider myself an overly emotional person but this morning I was just down - and it's weird because I don't usually experience, or recognize these emotions so easily. Now I don't want anyone out there to think ' you stop complaining - you are in Germany' - I know that, I'm not complaining and I'm thankful I am here. I do feel like I am doing a lot of carpe diem-ing but I am just doing a solo adventure when I'd prefer a carpe team. I'm also determined not to just give up and 'wait this thing out' although I am pretty excited to come home and see my thousand  'few' friends/family members. What also sucks now is that my book in english is coming to a close and I'm going to have to start reading german - which is cool, but so exhausting! Also with all this alone time I've had...there have been so many songs that run through my head it is ridiculous. I have thought about it and I think that songs go through your head and you realize it because your brain is on auto-pilot. And it's never a whole song, it's the most familiar part and it plays like a broken record. And rarely, is it ever a good song!