well it's been 3 months

...since I shaved my legs ha ha ha

and since I've been in a starbucks. I need to work on something important today and I decided to try and get less distracted so I could make some progress.

And there is an adorable father talking english to his kid, who is speaking in German....life goal for me!!!

air canada is a jerk

Way to rub this in my face guys....

antm/gntm

So I realized...I can watch german shows with relative comprehension, and to practice a little bit more I was searching to see if I could find old episodes of germanys next top model and boy was I in for a treat - the new season was just 5 episodes in. On the website here I saw that episode 5 was up and I looked for a little to see if I could start from the beginning, but quickly gave up and started watching.

Wow - it is completely different from americas next top model....and I liked so many things about it!!! I'll tell you a little bit about the big differences because I'm sure you are all huge fans and watch all the episodes. Even when the girls you hate win and you vow never to watch again...you still don't miss an episode

1. Heidi Klum - perhaps the greatest thing about the show. As much as tyra is a babe (and boy has she looked unreal this season), I love Heidi Klum. I'm pretty sure I've raved about her before so I'll keep it cool on the raving about how awesome she is...but she is just so involved in all the lives of the models. She is just so much more gentle and quiet and seems to look far into developing these girls. She was also at the photo shoot. Perhaps because the contestants were in LA and don't speak english as well, she could have been there to help bridge the language barrier, but in real life these poor little 16 year old hungarian girls do not have the privilege.

2. The show is narrated - a voice in the background tells us each and every single little thing that is going on. Just in case we don't understand the context when things get introduced.

3. Instead of having the hometown of the constant under their age the models let us learn a fun little fact about them, which I think helps that 'star quality' because you actually get to know their story more than on ANTM. It gets really funny though when they have their little private interview part and the subtext reads - Lolle, is worried about the photoshoot and then she proceed to talk about how she is worried. Maybe Germans have a tough time with emotions...yeah that's gotta be it

4. There's no yelling. Remember all the old ANTM episodes when everyone used to yell all the friggen time. I'd mute the TV during tyra mail. The German girls are way quieter.

5. Makeovers - the best episode is makeovers, hands down. But tyra always goes way to crazy with the hair styles. No one is going to want to hire someone with crazy pink hair because it's harder to work with. It's more to change and how many top models have crazy hair, none. The German girls all looked super normal and nothing dramatic really happened.

6. The average age of the girls I'd say was 17.45-ish, with the youngest girl being 16. SOO young!

7. They play popular top 40 style music during the entire episode and it's kind of nice.

8. The entire thing just seems way better in giving the models experience and actually testing them in realistic situations. This episode also had a casting (it was two hours) for a photoshoot and the winner actually got to star in the campaign for the brand. Then in judging they all have to walk the cat walk before individual judging where they get a one on one session with the judges who decide alone whether or not you stay in the competition


One thing I hate about this show is that these girls are so dumb. They hate when people judge them and give them harsh criticism. Do you not realize what show this is? Your job is being professionally judged by people. Models are solely there to sell clothes. That is their main function. If you don't fit the mould of the designer, no you aren't good enough. You may have an awesome personality or be a really nice person, but it's just the reality that you aren't what someone is looking to help convey their image.

new life move??

So I have a little history to start off with - although I'm sure I have already told many of you this before.  I always told my mother I would get my ears pierced when I was 8 but decided to be a bad ass and go at 7. Then I think when I was like 12 or 13 (I think, confirm this mom) I wanted to be cool like the older girls and get my cartilage like the older cool girls pierced. I then got a second set in both ears, actually I had three holes in each ear, one was just the cartilage. So Then my dad used to flick the cartilage earring and it would bleed and hurt - like even talking on the phone was a task - That was my good ear!!

I decided to let it grow in.

Then in my third year of university I was like screw this, I want my earring back. My dad can't bother me when I live in Ontario. So of course this happens during exam period which is when all your best decisions happen. I guess I seemed to make it a tradition because in fourth year I decided to give myself a whole new whole. I just a whack-ton of hand sanitizer and worked that little puppy through an entirely new whole, about mid-distance from top to bottom, on the opposite side. My friends thought I was nuts, but no infection or nothing, and to this day I have only taken it out once, only because I thought...wow I have never taken this out.

So it's getting close to the earring anniversary, I'm only writing one exam (let's not talk about the school aspect of my life), and I don't know if I should 'celebrate' with body decoration or even take the earrings right out. I feel like I will feel funny if I take them out, but I also feel that they may not be the most professional looking nose rings. I know that you can get away with a lot more stuff when you are a kid because you are young and are allowed to have these silly things. But now that I'm graduating, or expect too...is it time for me to put away these small things.

Anyone want to weigh in.

It gives me anxiety to think about taking them out, and it's so small and so miniscule.

Screw it I'm getting a back piece.

Delayed Gratification

I know this is something that I have talked about before - but because I don't care...I'm gonna do it again.

I don't know why this is - maybe the fact that I'm a christian makes me focus more on my future and the promises of eternal life (which I don't know if I imagine gold streets - just something really good, I'm not God  - back off!!!). But I realize I'm very different than a lot of people because when I need something I don't need it NOW.

I think that I sometimes feel like I'm going to enjoy things more if I wait for them. I like to always save the best for last. Maybe it's just a curse of laziness that I just don't want to do something because I'm really lazy.

But I've also noticed it when I go on walks - I like being able to walk because I know that I won't sit at home in bed and be lazy, and all the shows and time I'm going to spend on the internet is going to be worthwhile because I've 'earned it'. Maybe I just have this subconscious need to earn things. I know that I have a weird little system of rewards that I play with myself, like - first you clean, then you can eat a cookie. Maybe it's just the way that I motivate myself. I also like to delay things because I'm worried that in the future I will be bored and need them then. The same way I don't wear clothes because I just like to keep things special. In fact, I still have a pair of underwear that I were purchased before I came to germany that still have the tag on them.

I wanted to make this post more elaborate because it's something that I've noticed a lot lately about myself.  I realize that my biggest concept was just about the fact that I'm a big fan of delayed gratification. In general I'm just a more externally focused person, and worry less about satisfying my instant needs.

Sluts have more friends??

So I had the pleasure of speaking with my beloved friend Laura through the powers of technology...and it was lovely. With her I was able to discuss the fact that I don't have very many friends..and it always seems like people come back from europe and have a thousand new friends (exaggeration), but I'm like why do I know so few people. Maybe it's because I'm not playing the I'm Canadian be my friend card, I don't spend a lot of time being a bar star, or being fun...and I'm not a slut.

Think about it...you all have friends that are super flirts and have been known to have multiple sexual partners - not that I'm judging. But these people always have a lot more friends. Think about it...

I'm not trying to categorize all people into this - because when you live in close quarters with people over an extended period of time you find commonalities that allow friendships to build as well, as I have done with my roommates. But outside of these forced experiences I have not developed friends. I'm not trying to be negative because I'm very happy with the interactions that I have with them - and I also work...and I have been able to develop acquaintance-ships with them as well. There are people at work who I feel that if I'm really having problems, I will be able to talk to them - this is nice.

But maybe it can bring into question the difference between acquaintanceship and friendship. Some people are just there as filler because you all don't have anyone else to hang out with. Think about high school...am I right?

I really do know my real friends because we're able to catch up and it's no big deal and it's never awkward, and the conversations turn into talking about weird things, and it's not just what's happening with you? what have you been up to?

Maybe it's time to put on my big girl pants and learn how to flirt...?


Free Hugs?!






Naahhhh!

life updates #762

Germany is cool. Just got back from hanging out in the Herrengarten and it was just so nice. Got off of work as usual on friday, got home changed, grabbed some beers at the store (pre-chilled for maximum njoyment) and headed over to the park to listen to my roommate play violin with a friend that plays guitar. Drank that beer and enjoyed the sun, it was so nice.

Yesterday I also went out for dinner and a movie - a girls night of sorts...

Went to vapiano, amazing place. You know how I can't go anywhere without running into someone I know - happened here too. Like I know 5 people and I happened to run into one of them...CRAZY

But dinner was good and then we saw a movie called Turkish für Anfänger. It was so hard to follow everything - but what I understood has pretty good. I also had a very difficult time trying to figure out the genre. Because it was in some ways like an apatow film with crude references, but also like a chick flick, but not like bridesmaids, but I fit the demographic perfectly.

I was also completely shocked when they played a song by head and the heart (lost in my mind) I nearly lost it right there in the theatre.

The greatest part was the sexually liberated mother character wearing a a bathing suit with justin bieber on the front. I died.

And in other news - I have become addicted to dance moms....

Fashion Star

I admit - I watch a lot of crappy TV. Reality shows, love em.

I usually like to watch programs in the evenings after work, and so I saw this Fashion Star show a few months ago and I love all these shows that have to do with design competitions, like project runway or work of art...etc. So I figured this show would be something along the lines.

I literally just watched the first five minutes and I will never be able to watch this show. The introduction basically explained the premise of the show and it is so transparently creepy that it just bothers me. Like it makes me shutter to think that there are people that will be so easily manipulated.

The premise of the show is that these upcoming fashion designers basically have their clothing lines bid on by buyers from saks, h&m and macys (I think). Then (I wasn't really paying attention at this part) you get to help decide who the grand ultimate winner is and they will have their stuff in all three stores. Here's the thing. The producers of this show do not give a shit about who wins, or developing and promoting new designers. This whole thing is an advertising campaign for the brands and the future clothing. By voting, which of course thousands of americans will waste money on, you are telling corporations what your tastes are, and they will use that in some algorithm to dictate which trends will come out next.

I just feel like this is a scene from a dystopian/futuristic movie in which you can buy things off of your tv etc. It's here people.

This is shocking to me that this show is even allowed to be on television.

And I'm interested in pursuing marketing?

physical contact

so first off...please don't take what I'm saying this in a sexual way...

Living by myself without loved ones means very little physical contact. I never really noticed it until someone at work put her hand on my shoulder and I was just so taken aback. It was then I realized that I have not had anyone to hug or be physically close with. I guess I hug people a lot at home...?

I'm not going to be some weird desperate hugging person trying to pray on drunk people at bars. I'm ok but it would be nice to just have a nice solid 20 second hug - then it counts.

I talked with my mom about this the other day and she said that I should stand in a busy place with a free hugs sign. Unlikely...

Future jobs

So I have been starting to think about my future - actually I'm pretty sure if you read the past blogs this has been something on my mind for a while...

I also realize that it's likely that I'm not going to have the luxury of being able to pick and choose all these wonderful jobs. I'm going to likely have to take one of the first jobs that I get.

But I think that there are a lot of companies that I'm just not going to work for simply because I'm not going to be able to work for a company that I can't stand behind. For example - if walmart offered me some wonderful purchasing and sourcing jobs that paid a lot of money I would not be able to do that, simply because of the ethics of the company. I think there needs to be a point that I'm not going to cross. I think something very important for me is to maintain integrity and even though my job is something that I believe should be separate from my real life but I also want to know that I'm helping to improve the lives of people.

This naturally leads to the question - why work in a business setting at all? Corporations are evil!! They manipulate you into thinking that you need things that you don't.

Lots to think about....

25-02-12

It's starting to wear on me. I am feeling a little bit isolated. It is very difficult to be in a new city and not really know people. - like how on earth do people make friends. My entire time in Germany I have felt like I do a lot of exploring on my own which is super cool because I have discovered some really neat stuff - and I honestly have no regrets coming here. I just wish that I could make more friends. I'm a pretty outgoing person and I can talk to people but how to you translate that to a hangout. I feel a little bit like Peter Klaven from I love you man (editors note - please just watch the last quarter of this to get how I feel - like a 35 year old year old looking for a best man)



I think that I always picture myself in my head with a vast network of friends, but realistically it is a large variety of networks with few close friends. Is it just me? This is getting extremely honest for something that is meant to be posted online. Good for me...? I don't consider myself an overly emotional person but this morning I was just down - and it's weird because I don't usually experience, or recognize these emotions so easily. Now I don't want anyone out there to think ' you stop complaining - you are in Germany' - I know that, I'm not complaining and I'm thankful I am here. I do feel like I am doing a lot of carpe diem-ing but I am just doing a solo adventure when I'd prefer a carpe team. I'm also determined not to just give up and 'wait this thing out' although I am pretty excited to come home and see my thousand  'few' friends/family members. What also sucks now is that my book in english is coming to a close and I'm going to have to start reading german - which is cool, but so exhausting! Also with all this alone time I've had...there have been so many songs that run through my head it is ridiculous. I have thought about it and I think that songs go through your head and you realize it because your brain is on auto-pilot. And it's never a whole song, it's the most familiar part and it plays like a broken record. And rarely, is it ever a good song!

snookie preggers

I'll admit it - I watch Jersey shore...whatever

And now there are all these stories that snookie is actually pregnant. Before when  it was just speculation people were so mean about it. I am well aware that she doesn't have a great track record, being arrested, drinking and the like but how horrible are people to say these things about her. Like hoping that she gets an abortion!? It's so easy to criticize but if that was someone in your family most people would never say those things. I feel bad for the girl...

I was also watching survivor the other night and during the one contestants interview she said she disliked someone so much that if she saw this other girl drowning she'd pretend she didn't see it. Really...you'd let her die!

I think people must not realize the meaning behind the words that come out of their mouths.

Special Edition IV: Today

23-02-12

Well the charger still hasn't come - and it looks like I am surviving. I have to be a little bit more strategic about how I pass my time. I'm to scared to do things because I don't want to be bored later on. Especially with the weekend coming up. I just don't want to be bored...

My daily schedule is something like this
5:56 alarm goes off
6:00 get change/ do makeup
6:10 make lunch and prepare breakfast
6:15 eat/read
6:30 leave for bus - usually I try and walk as far as I can
7:10ish arrive at station (also, on these longer walks I have been listening to podcasts and actually laughing outloud and feeling like a complete idiot)
7:40ish arrive at work...and work
3:50 leave work
4:10 catch bus, get off at a station about a 45 minute walk
stop downtown to look through a shop or get groceries
5:30 arrive home, cook
6:00 eat and read
7:00 lights out time where I doze or listen to music
8:00 read more or work on project
drink some tea
9:30 eventually in bed

You're welcome stalkers

These extended walks home have been just fantastic though...

Today I discovered a place/museum/garden called mathildenhöhe which was absolutely incredible. I will take some low quality blackberry pictures and give you a better taste. The more I live here the more I'd like to be an architect or a photographer. I had the most wonderful little moments tat are so intangible that make me uncomfortable because they are things I can't keep - but I want so bad to build a moment around them

Kony

So of course by now you have heard about this make Kony famous campaign. If you read my blog, there's no way that you haven't heard about it. I'm not going to share the movie or posters because by now you probably know the whole story. It's pretty f'n crazy. I literally watched the video this morning because manny posted the video on his blog and I started to watch it before work.

I usually read my twitter during my break and it was all over twitter. Now I check my facebook and my blogs and it is everywhere. I am on the internet a lot - and man did this thing spread fast. I can't believe it - but I think that it goes to show how powerful this thing is when everyone will know who he is. It's sad that this video is only in english. I hope it gets translated into other languages because it would be awesome to literally unite the world in something like this.

But I'm also reading these people who are posting facebook statuses to the effect of - good for you for posting something in the status, it changes nothing unless you do something.

I've always been the kind of person that hates doing things just because that's the normal response so I'm very hesitant to get wrapped up by the dramatics of the whole situation but I think something really cool about this is that it is happening before the US election.

The basic goal of the campaign is to make people aware of who this kony guy is. Not to send us all into africa to go hunt him down - No that is going to be left up to professionals and governments. I'm intrigued by the fact that we can actually try to have an impact on controlling government. That could be a huge lesson to people about humankind and I think that this could end up being a huge social experiment and could turn into something more important than just capturing this man.

special edition part III: The great outdoors

22-02-12

The weather has gone from cold for a weakling canadian D - to a nice balmy february. Today I think it was six or seven above and seeing as I have no internet I have been making the wonderful decision to walk home from work (only part ways). I try to make it take an hour. And so when I walk home from the central square (Luisenplatz) I often go through the park. Darmstadt has some really beautiful parts and the large garden/park is one of them. It's funny though because about a week and a half ago I was walking home through the park and there is a wonderful little pond that had frozen over. Not completely however - there was still a section roped off, and then a section completely unfrozen, so the ducks could hang out there. And the ice was full with people. Some with skates, some running and sliding from the island in the middle. It is quite evident that the Germans get very excited for 'new' weather. So when this pond froze everyone was there. Now today as soon as the weather got really nice again it was so full. If I didn't have to pee so bad I would have stopped on (editors not - another mistake) sat on a bench for a little while. At least this will give me an idea of what I can do on the weekend.

This whole 'handwritten blog' is a little fun. I don't think I like the fact that it is only for me though. I want people to be able to read about me, partially because there are people that I don't get to see as often as I like - but mostly because I have the worst memory - and the writing is easier to read.

I took a picture

Special Edition Blog: Day 1 (as well)

On my way to work the other day the song ' youth of the nation' by POD came on - I know, super old school... to be honest I have no idea how it got on there. First off I want to say that for the ones who wonder it was it is awfully striking and poignant (editors note: I have no idea what this sentence was supposed to mean). It gets me thinking about a few things which I think is really the point of the song.

1st I thought about the whole columbine thing. If I had internet I would do some more research because I don't remember the details exactly. My summation of the story is these kids who were made fun of etc. decided to bring guns to school - and kill some people. Then I thought about what could get someone to actually kill people. This kind of things still is happening. At the time it seemed like a really big deal but I am sure I was to young to really comprehend the gravity of the situation

2nd I don't know why this was a common theme, but last semester belec, syl and I had a number of conversations about depression and suicide. Not that we were contemplating (don't worry). I think that it may have stemmed from many of the these debates and issues with gay teens committing suicide and issues with bullying. I understand that bullying will never end - not that it is right and we shouldn't do what we can do to prevent it, but we will never be able to eliminate it all together. But it's just weird to me that it is an issue with the younger generation. It seems that in general generations become more and more tolerant as time goes on - and in general I consider it is perfectly acceptable to be gay in the eyes of many of my peers. May not agree with it, but wouldn't go out of their way to discriminate. Perhaps it may just be a maturity thing.

3rd I thought about the kids that I worked with coming to the drop in centre run through youth for christ. Yu could tell there was a lot of hurt and as I listened to this song I wonder with these kids who are depressed and suicidal and believe that no one likes them - and what do I do - how do I respond? I hate to say this but it's highly likely that I would be to naive to realize there was an issue. I also realize that there are people who are just very socially awkward and have a tough time making friends. I can't fake a relationship with someone who I have nothing in common with either. It's just so hard - like what if one day I have kids that are like this - just have a difficult time socializing and fitting in. Like can it be nurtured or do these things occur naturally?

I feel like I need to talk a little bit more (this is me in real time - aka not hand written)


After I got my computer back I was able to see a trailer for a film called Bully which whoever does the film ratings wanted to rate it 18A meaning that kids who could be impacted by the film would not be able to see it. Please take a look at the trailer 





I just feel like kids don't listen to older people. Even myself as a kid I know that I was always to stubborn to ever listen to my parents and I agree that there are a lot of things that you need to experience for yourself to really understand things. Growing up and living is about making mistakes and learning from those experiences. Maybe these kinds of simulations that schools sometimes run are what is important for making change because it it shows them the other side of the situation. Realistically bullying is always rooted in some other kind of insecurity. I feel that for the most part bullying comes from the insecurities and inadequacies that are even more evident as teenagers, simply because the fact that we ourselves are learning who we are, and that the image that others see of us may differ from how we see ourselves. It's just such a complicated problem that is not easily solved. I think it's difficult as well to get kids to take things seriously and actually encourage them in thinking different. Teachers need to maybe find ways to be more inspirational. I think it's going to take a lot of small efforts by many different people to start making a difference. 


This recent shooting in ohio made me think about the hormones and irrationality of teenagers as well. Like this kid did not realize what he was doing when he went there. I read a report talking about what happened and he's only now just starting to grasp the reality of the situation. Like this kid has f-d his life over. He has killed four people. I think that until you see death it is hard to value life. I honestly feel bad for the kid - but can you imagine what kind of bullying must have happened with him to get him to that point. Reports from other kids say that they never really expected anything like that from him. Even in reports he said would have things written in his facebook status indicating morose topics and death and killing but death metal music says a lot of crazy stuff - it doesn't necessarily indicate someones intentions. 


I had a prof last year that was working on getting a bill through the government about workplace bullying and making it illegal. I understand that kids will be kids - but I don't think that it always stats that way. There needs to be some sort of change when they are young, and parents and leaders that start promoting tolerance.


I'm sorry for adding on so much...

Special edition day I: The pioneer

21-02-12

No internet leads me to do silly things - like a handwritten blog. Such as this... to be typed into my real blog later. So a few days ago I noticed my computer acting retarded and I got a little pissed because the cord had to be placed precariously close to the edge of my desk - which of course makes me a little nervous. I didn't want to accidentally knock it with my elbow. But then the charger started working again no problem, until yesterday when I had some real trouble with it. I had to get to cord in a specific position, Then at about 8:00 pm I decided it was time to get more comfortable and sit on my bed. I stood up with my computer and in the middle of 'teach me how to dougie' it just shut off. My first response was a bad word. I tried so hard to get the charge back but got nothing. After turning on the computer and restarting it the computer worked again. I realized no matter what I did this computer wasn't going to charge with this chord. I wonder if it has anything to do with voltage...anyways - I am now computerless for a few days = hence the handwritten blog. I was pretty cheese and still am about the whole thing. I knew that I was going to have to olden-days-life it. Like obviously people were entertained back in the day but cut me some slack! The whole way that people lived was different. Evenings I rely on my computer for music and entertainment - ok I can get entertainment from books and I have a project that I am working on as well. Back in the days at least they still had the radio - or records! I was panicked at first because I have no other way to charge my iPod except for my computer due to the fact that I left the charger in Amsterdam. Luckily I can plug it into my work computer...phew! Back in the days there were likely more family meals...and drinks were cheaper so meeting at a pub would be easier. Like how did people make friends? I should start try meeting people. Perhaps I'll try finding couch surfers for coffee - oh, except I have no computer. I just hate how quiet it is without music. The cord will be here in 2-7 business days, but I can hardly wait. I just love my shows. I guess this technically should be a learning experience, or me proving that I need to, or should be able to survive ohne electricity but I want to play my 21st century ' I love the internet' card. Like information is available to quick on the internet

I want it now - Veruca Salt

hiatus of sorts

So I know that I often take breaks between blogging - but I don't think I've ever really gone this long without blogging, at least not since last summer.

Allow me to explain -

Monday february 20th I was just hanging out in my room - creeping websites as usual, nothing exceptional. The prior week I had been experiencing some trouble with my charging cord. I literally had to keep it on the edge of the table so that the cord would hang at the correct angle. Around 19:45 I wanted to get more comfortable by sitting in my bed. I picked up my computer and on the second stop it just shut off completely. What the heck? It was completely charged. I turned it back on again and tried to put the cord back in because it had no green light indicating power. I tried for about ten minutes to find the perfect angle because I couldn't accept the reality. My cord was done. Luckily I'm relatively intelligent and immediately logged onto amazon.de so that I could order a new cable. Then loaded a few podcasts onto my ipod and shut down the computer.

I have blogged before about how much I love my blackberry - and this week I loved it even more. It was a lifesaver.

Everyday after work I would come home and just hope that there was something waiting for me in the mailbox. I was getting a lot of sleep and listening to a LOT of podcasts. Thank you nerdist!

But I must say judging from all those nerdist podcasts I would never want to become a comic. I would hate the your ability to make someone laugh would be your livelihood. That would be so terrifying. And it's just such a performance art. I really enjoyed getting to know some of their guests better. A lot of name naming going on (verging the pretentious boundary).

But days went on and that friday I came home and my roommate said there was a slip in my door for me to go pick something up at the post office...FINALLY!!!

So I peddled my bike as fast as I could to that post office, '

sorry, you have to come back tomorrow'

Since I was getting so much sleep I am always up early so I made it to the post office the next morning by 8:30. I made it to the post office only to have my heart crushed. It was a book I ordered along with my cable...crushing.

This meant I was going to have to survive the whole weekend without a computer. But with the strength of podcasts and the fact that I'm working on a little handbag I was able to suppress the boredom.

It didn't end up being that bad but it really was't that great either. I'm waaayy to addicted to tv!

My cable ended up coming on wednesday - so I've been pretty happy about that. It's nice to be back.

I did however still have this giant urge to blog - and so I had to do everything by hand!!!

Over the next few days my plan is to released these 'special edition blogs' where I will copy out everything that I have handwritten. And I promise not to edit - so the errors will stay!!

I hope you enjoy.